bunnyears

…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….

Make The Most Of Your Dying Days And Multi-Task Your Bucket List

Bucket List

Hey there, kiddo. I’ve good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that you’re going to die and nobody has a clue how it’s going to go down. The good news is that we’ve done some digging (which may or may not have involved tantric sex and Ouija boards) and I can confirm you’ve got three weeks to live! I know you’re thinking you just drew the short straw, but knowledge is power, dawg. You’ve got three weeks, man. Use it!

I’ll guide you through these final days and help you be all you can be while there’s still time. I’ll help you multitask your bucket list so you can achieve all of your wildest dreams before you and your parasitic roommate shuffle off this mortal coil. Ready? Go!

Throw Your Inhibitions To The Wind

Bucket List

Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn to bungee jump, but fear got the better of you. Here’s the magical thing about your upcoming demise: You literally have nothing to fear anymore. So I guess you can throw your body to the wind, too. Take the leap!

But don’t forget the end is nigh. Make the most of this precious time by adding a second activity for maximum bucket list potential. Have you been thinking of learning to play trombone but feared making an ass of yourself? Here’s your chance! Take a deep breath, jump, and blow. How exhilarating was that? Oh, I can promise you that the trombone playing was utterly horrendous, but who cares? You’ll be a corpse soon, and anyone who witnessed that humiliating debacle will be obligated to tell everyone they know how such a budding talent was ripped from the world too soon.

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You Can’t Take It With You

Bucket List

That phrase is used by poors to make you believe that things are arbitrary. The real meaning of life is the friends you found along the way and whatnot. But you know what that phrase also applies to? Debt. Mountains and mountains of debt. Sure, you could set aside a nest egg for funeral costs and your family to get back on their feet after your inevitable passing or whatever, or you could pay Beyonce to perform a private dinner concert for you and your loved ones as you dine on Wagyu rib eye while drinking Cristal out of sapphire-encrusted goblets. Who’s gonna pay for it? Who gives a shit? Max out that card, bro. In a week and a half, the bank won’t be able to fucking touch you.

You Are No Longer Bound By The Laws Of Man Or Nature

Bucket List

What’s that? You’ve always wanted to visit the ocean? Take a walk along the silky white beach and watch the sunset? You’ve also always thought it would be cool to pet a bear? KAPLOW! Bear on a beach, bitches!

Yes, everyone is going to be mad. The people at the beach will be mad, the police will be mad, the bear will most definitely be mad. But what are they gonna do? Kill you? Joke’s on them!

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Images: PixabayPixabayPixabay, Pixabay

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