Fetish Of The Month: The Unexpected Intimacy Of Targeted Internet Ads

October 1, 2019 by , featured in Fetish Of The Month
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There’s nothing sexier than someone who knows you better than you know yourself. And who knows you better than your targeted internet ads? Sure, they might be both invasive and a sign of corporate voyeurism run amok, but I get a little thrill every time I see a post on my timeline for things like noiseless dehumidifiers and butt pimple cream. It makes me feel seen.

I know what you’re thinking: How can a lover made of flesh and blood ever compete with an internet ad that taps into my subconscious via my search history to algorithmically calculate which products and/or services I might need at any given moment? The simple answer is they can’t. My internet ads know me so well that sometimes I don’t even type a search query before my screen is filled with suggestions for low-impact running shoes and all-natural deodorants. They must be listening in on my phone calls or reading my emails and texts. It’s a horrifying invasion of privacy … but also, weirdly flattering? They’re clearly willing to do anything to understand me. I can’t say that of most people.

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The ads encroach upon my most private of thoughts not because I tell them to, but because they want to (as do the companies and corporations they represent, of course). It’s bold. And … kind of hot? Plus, there’s a strange comfort in knowing that there’s always someone watching me. It’s like being wrapped in a digital weighted blanket made of auto-playing videos from a sunglasses brand I’ve never heard of.

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Basically, potential human lovers need to step up their game. I don’t want to be wined and dined. I want to be scrutinized, spied on, and analyzed until every need, want, and random whim can be instantly met to the fullest. Otherwise, don’t waste your time.

Images: Pexels


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