Funko Pop! Used My Likeness Without My Consent

You don’t know me. You’ve never seen my face in a video game, comic book, movie, or TV show, but I still somehow became the face of one of the most popular toy lines in the world. How did that happen? Because Funko Pop! used my likeness without my consent.

A Uniquely Generic Face

The irony of all this is that they used my face as a generic template, but take one look at me and you’ll realize I have a pretty unique appearance. I have to wear sunglasses all the time because my pupils are always dilated. My mother’s womb, which was boxier than most, molded my soft baby head into a rounded square like those square watermelons you hear about. I have a mouth—it’s just hard to tell. The lips blend seamlessly into the rest of my face. When I talk, it looks like wind flapping through a slash in a slice of ham.

I might look strange to you, but I think of my uniqueness as a blessing. At least, I did before the Funkening.

Pop!-ing the Bubble of Corporate Thievery

I tried to resolve the issue without lawyers. The argument I laid out in a letter sent directly to Funko’s top brass, along with pictures of myself holding Funko Pops! as proof, was compelling and hard to deny. They offered me a lifetime supply of toys. I know negotiations have to start somewhere, but occasionally getting a toy of myself dressed as Bob Ross in the mail—as opposed to the millions I’m owed—is downright insulting.

As such, I’ve been forced to bring my story to the public. I will not rest until justice is served. If Funko doesn’t want to pay me what I’m rightfully owed and maybe also bring me on as a brand ambassador to cosplay at comic conventions, then they’re going to have to legally prove that this was all just a big coincidence. And good luck with that, because my face isn’t too common. With the exception of my children, of course.

Image: Unsplash