Forget Pokémon Sleep: I’m Most Excited For Pokémon Poop

July 24, 2019 by , featured in Video Games
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Pokémon Go was a lifesaver for people looking to get more active, and the upcoming Pokémon Sleep has many exhausted gamers feeling equally excited. But if I’m being really, really honest here, the latest Niantic/Nintendo masterpiece I’m most looking forward to is Pokémon Poop. I need this, guys. A lot.

If there’s one aspect of my life I need Pikachu’s help setting straight, it’s staying regular. Early leaks indicate meticulously scheduled gameplay. Pokémon will appear in your bathroom three times a day so you can catch them while you drop a few bombs. Pairing your game with a nutrition app nets you extra potions and Pokéballs every time you eat a bran muffin or a bushel of Brussels sprouts. Players will be able to compete against their friends, too. Scan a photo of your dingleberries and the app will tell you if it’s firm enough. The player with the most normal and healthy bowel movement wins!

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There’s even a neat spin on the groundbreaking AR functionalities of the game, too. To make sure I put down the cheezeballs and get proper nutrition, Pokémons seem to show up most often near the prunes and Activia aisle of my local grocery store. Of course, players will still be able to shoot a few photos of their Pokémon visitors—and a simple touch of a button will flip the game into selfie mode so you can make kissy lips with Psyduck while you’re on the john.

I have to say, it’s a brilliant business strategy. Like we aren’t all playing games and snapping pics of ourselves and our … leavings while we’re in the bathroom anyway. Man, I can’t wait to find out what kind of missions Professor Oak dreams up for this one!

Image: Pixabay/The Pokémon Company

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