Tag Archives: Video Games

EXCLUSIVE: An Interview With The Long-Lost Mario Brother, Doug Mario

[After 30 years of rumors, research, speculation, close calls and wrong turns, we were able to track down and confirm the identity of the long-lost Mario brother, Doug Mario. The following is the unedited transcript of the interview published in its entirety.] BUNNY EARS So I guess let’s start simple, can you just tell us […]

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How To Politely Decline An Invite To Your Dork Nephew’s ‘Warcraft’ Wedding

He’s marrying an orc or whatever.

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I Shot The Dog In ‘Duck Hunt’ And It Really Messed Me Up

Your cousin lied when he said he shot the dog in Duck Hunt. Because if he had, he’d be scarred for life.

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The Bad Dudes Are Really Good Dudes, And They’re My Uncles

I don’t know why everybody called my uncles “Bad Dudes,” because they were good dudes. More than good. Probably the best people I’ll ever know.

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Ecco The Dolphin Is Dead Because We Did Nothing About Climate Change

Oops.

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All The Pills From Dr. Mario Ranked By How High They Get You

Take the blue pill, take the red pill, take all the pills from Dr. Mario. (Except for the red-blue one.)

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Wait, Are Pokémon Just Pocket Slaves?

A deep dive.

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Sonic The Hedgehog Confirms: Those Rings He Was Collecting Were Cock Rings

“It is what it is.”

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5 Tough Video Game Characters That I Could Easily Beat In A Fist Fight

I’ve thought about this a lot.

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Keanu Reeves Just Ate A Switch And We’re Losing Our Minds

It was for ‘Cyberpunk 2077’ or something?

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Uh Oh, Your Dead Wife Has Been Retconned Back To Being Alive!

Your new girlfriend is NOT gonna be happy.

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Explore Polyamory By Playing The New ‘Mario Swinger Party’

It’s unbelievably graphic!

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Why Won’t Zoos Let You Ride Animals Like In ‘Donkey Kong Country’?

There’s literally no downside.

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Crash Bandicoot Was A Total A-Hole—Watch Episode 3 Of Our Web Series ‘Rewind, Rethink’

Check it out!

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Can Hedgehogs Consent? I Say Yes

Here’s why.

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Due To Economy, Castlevania Now Available For Rent On AirBnb

Even Lord Dracula needs supplemental income these days.

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We Played ‘Stardew Valley’s’ New Weed & Tobacco Crop DLC

The ‘mature’ DLC got unnecessarily dark.

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How To Make Your ‘Outer Worlds’ Character The Kind Of Guy Amanda Might Be Into

It’s worth a shot!

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Off The Top Of My Head, Here’s What I Think ‘Death Stranding’s’ Going To Be About

Because it could literally be about fucking anything.

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‘Death Stranding’ Pee Mode Makes Your Hands Smell Like Norman Reedus’s Piss

We’re trying our best to get on board.

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Overclock Your PC For 8K Horse Gonads In ‘Red Dead Redemption 2’

Finally!

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How To Find The Two NPCs Fucking In The Crowd In NBA 2K20

They have zero regard for arena etiquette.

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Just Dance 2020 To Offer “I’ll Be Over At The Bar” DLC

“It comes with moves like head nods and light toe-tapping.”

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Nostalgia Alert! Nintendo Switch Online Is Bringing Back Your Dead Grandma

Reviving yet another classic!

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Remembering The Doping Scandal That Rocked ‘Mario & Sonic At The Olympic Games’

‘It’s-a me! The head of the IOC here to strip you of your medals.’

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‘Luigi’s Mansion 3’ Is FAR Too Scary For Me And My Highly Sensitive Boys

Branklin and Conch can’t even get through the trailer.

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Nintendo Announces New ‘Wario’s Brothel’ Haunt At Universal Studios

Be sure to bring hand sanitizer!

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‘WWE 2K20’ Announces ‘Brock Lesnar Contract Microtransaction’ Feature

Pay a mere $99.99 for five rounds of game play.

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Are You A Nintendo Switch Or A Nintendo Power Bottom?

Do you prefer docking or undocking?

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Paperboy Demands You Call Him ‘PaperMAN’ Now

He’s pushing 50. Show some respect.

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Speedrun Your Way To Wellness, Any%, Deathless (Hopefully)

It’s the fastest way to take back your life.

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Lesser-Known ‘Terminator’ Characters We Wish Were Playable In ‘Gears 5’

‘Take hiding to the next level with the cowardly Dr. Silberman!’

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A Guide To Grieving All The Yoshis You’ve Killed

The first stage of grief is harder than the last stage of Forest of Illusion.

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Make Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend Easier By Thinking Of It Like A Boss Fight

Put in the code for infinite empathy.

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I Tried The ‘Link’s Awakening’ Reboot And The Chickens Have Unionized

It’s really the only major change.

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‘Tropico 6’ To Feature Enormous New Island, ‘Acirema’

It’s apparently the most dysfunctional nation yet!

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The New Sega Mini Is Cool, But My Parents Are Still Divorced

And it’s still all my fault.

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My Child Is Throwing Turtles At Me: Is ‘Mario Kart’ To Blame?

I want answers.

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We Regret Defending PaRappa The Rapper’s Use Of The N-Word

We’re deeply sorry.

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What Your ‘Mario Maker 2’ Levels Say About Your Relationship With Your Parents

Wow.

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ToeJam & Steve Urkel: Check Out The Lost Game Designs!

These have been buried for years.

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We Regret To Inform You That Diddy Kong Has Sold Out

He now works at a mid-level corporate acquisitions firm.

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3 Places To Build A BioShock City Devoted To Your Corrosive Right-Wing Ideals

Like deep inside a mountain!

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Embrace EarthBound Therapy: Kill All The Neighborhood Pets

You’re gonna feel so, so good.

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Philosopher Immanuel Kant is Coming to ‘Tekken 7’

Kant (1724-1804) was a figure of great influence in the areas of epistemology, ethics, and ass-kicking.

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