Speedrun Your Way To Wellness, Any%, Deathless (Hopefully)

Things are going bad. You can admit it. But you haven’t completely lost hope. You just need a clean slate—a fresh chapter. Solid ground to land on so you can stop feeling like you’re in free fall. But finding an effective therapist with whom you connect and tackling a new wellness plan takes time. And you don’t have time. But what if you could … speedrun it?

Speedrun Therapy Tactics

The first thing you need to do is take a quick mental inventory. Consider how hard you’ve worn down your support system. This can help you determine whether to choose a Safe Strat technique versus Damage Boosting your way through that bottle of whiskey and handful of assorted pills. In some cases, you may need to utilize some Frame Perfect tactics (taking advantage of birthdays or other sentimental days for pity). This is especially true when attempting to Cutscene Skip (by sulking and tuning out) when friends and family ask about what happened to that heavy metal therapy you were going to.

Sticking To a Plan

You have a new cause—something to look forward to. Take advantage of the resulting Invincibility Frames where it actually seems like you’re getting your life together for once. You’ll occasionally find that you’ve managed to Wall Clip from one desperately codependent relationship to another. With practice, this will occur before you even realize it happened. You’ll also find that the Collision Boxes of many interpersonal relationships are more flexible than they look.

Finally, remember to experiment with Routes. Try a Reverse Boss Order or a Sequence Break (just beware of Soft Locks when things get too high or too low and you feel stuck). This isn’t a Longplay. You’re trying to beat your Personal Best or even a World Record—and that takes both time and commitment. Though ideally much less than actually putting in the work.

Images: Kristinn Sigurðsson,Dave Hall,Dave Hall,włodi