Brian Boone writes comedy and trivia on the internet and in books, which is like the old timey internet. He shamed his family by losing on Jeopardy.
Save yourself some money (and a visit with your “guy”) by making your own Adderall at home. Now FOCUS.
We investigate.
Note: We only serve cheese pizza.
The Berserker Blothar? Or perhaps Bonesnapper?
Remember?
Because everybody has one. Right?
It’s the movie we’ve all been begging for.
Have you heard of the ‘Reverse Heimlich’?
Hint: It involves bears.
Your cousin lied when he said he shot the dog in Duck Hunt. Because if he had, he’d be scarred for life…like me.
What ho, assorted plutocrats, barons of industry, and proper gentlemen!
Yasss!
If you have a problem with that, you can get out of my life.
Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls!
His blood is magic.
Mmmm, plastic!
Take the blue pill, take the red pill, take all the pills from Dr. Mario. (Except for the red-blue one.)
Yikes.
“It’s-A Me! Mario!” and other classics.
Hey, remember Collective Soul, that mildly agreeable rock band from the ’90s? It’s weird if you do, because as it turns out, it never existed.
Finally, we know which Culkin is best and which is worst. And who has more authority to speak on the subject than Macaulay Culkin himself?
I don’t know why everybody called my uncles “Bad Dudes,” because they were good dudes. More than good. Probably the best people I’ll ever know.
Want to look hot? Get a pair of glasses They’ll make you look hot. Especially if you’re already hot.
Remember the military guy from the ’80s heyday of the WWF? He’s radically different out of the ring…emphasis on “radical.”
Nearly 30 years later, the subject of the Spin Doctors’ memorable hit gives HER side of the story.
If you’re gonna sacrifice a virgin, you better sacrifice a virgin the right way.
One taste of that needle now, and they’ll be hooked for life.
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
The ocean is terrible and full of scary fish and fish-monsters. Why do you want to go there? What’s wrong with you?
Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.
Use this guide, and everywhere you go, people will think that you’re the real Grimace!
After the XFL tanked in 2001, Vince McMahon tried to WWE-ify other sports. Really. He really did.
Wake up, you actual bear who has been sleeping for months. Bet you’re hungry.
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
You bear? I bear, too!
Your mom’s sensible beige bra is going to look soooo good on you.
Ladies, these spring perfumes will strongly remember him of springs from long ago AND send him into a downward spiral over deep feelings of loss.
Everybody poops. Even your edgy teen.
Hint: It’s not Lucky Charms.
Congrats, you’re a superhero now. Off to save the day!
Read this guide / when you slide / to a world of fear and trepidation.
The goth look is out. The baroque look is in.
No, you’re not crazy – if you’ve got a bad feeling it’s happening, then your spouse probably is cheating on you with a circus clown.
It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!
Is the hole in the wall of a public bathroom through which you do unspeakable things starting to look a bit rundown? Then you need an extreme glory hole makeover, buddy.
