Brian Boone writes comedy and trivia on the internet and in books, which is like the old timey internet. He shamed his family by losing on Jeopardy.
Everything We Want In The Inevitable C+C Music Factory Biopic
It’s the movie we’ve all been begging for.
3 Lesser-Known Wrestling Holds Perfect For A No Holds Barred Match
Have you heard of the ‘Reverse Heimlich’?
I Shot The Dog In ‘Duck Hunt’ And It Really Messed Me Up
Your cousin lied when he said he shot the dog in Duck Hunt. Because if he had, he’d be scarred for life…like me.
A Comprehensive Review Of All The Best Monocles—Finally!
What ho, assorted plutocrats, barons of industry, and proper gentlemen!
I’m Just A Boy Who Loves His Blob (Yes, Sexually)
If you have a problem with that, you can get out of my life.
An Exit Interview With Our Office Assistant, Jason Waterfalls
Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls!
A Surefire Cure For Lifelong Asthma: Kidnap Our Lawyer, And Drink His Plasma!
His blood is magic.
All The Pills From Dr. Mario Ranked By How High They Get You
Take the blue pill, take the red pill, take all the pills from Dr. Mario. (Except for the red-blue one.)
The 4 Best Video Game Musical Adaptations Of All Time
“It’s-A Me! Mario!” and other classics.
Did Collective Soul Actually Exist?
Hey, remember Collective Soul, that mildly agreeable rock band from the ’90s? It’s weird if you do, because as it turns out, it never existed.
Every Culkin Brother Ranked (By Macaulay Culkin)
Finally, we know which Culkin is best and which is worst. And who has more authority to speak on the subject than Macaulay Culkin himself?
The Bad Dudes Are Really Good Dudes, And They’re My Uncles
I don’t know why everybody called my uncles “Bad Dudes,” because they were good dudes. More than good. Probably the best people I’ll ever know.
Glasses You’ll Look Hot In Provided You Are Already Hot
Want to look hot? Get a pair of glasses They’ll make you look hot. Especially if you’re already hot.
Bunny Ears Exclusive: Sgt. Slaughter Tells All!
Remember the military guy from the ’80s heyday of the WWF? He’s radically different out of the ring…emphasis on “radical.”
Exclusive: A Rebuttal from Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
Nearly 30 years later, the subject of the Spin Doctors’ memorable hit gives HER side of the story.
Planning the Perfect Ritualistic Maypole Party
If you’re gonna sacrifice a virgin, you better sacrifice a virgin the right way.
I Didn’t Vaccinate My Kid Because You Know Who Loves Needles? Junkies
One taste of that needle now, and they’ll be hooked for life.
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Travel Guide: Under The Sea
The ocean is terrible and full of scary fish and fish-monsters. Why do you want to go there? What’s wrong with you?
Things To Do With The Scarabs That Keep Crawling Out Of Your Mouth
Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.
Get That Look: Grimace
Use this guide, and everywhere you go, people will think that you’re the real Grimace!
Vince McMahon’s Post-XFL Forays Into Other Sports
After the XFL tanked in 2001, Vince McMahon tried to WWE-ify other sports. Really. He really did.
3 Best Places To Lay Your Eggs This Spring (And 4 You Shouldn’t!)
Wake up, you actual bear who has been sleeping for months. Bet you’re hungry.
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
The Best Spots For Your Post-Hibernation Salmon-And-Honey Binge
You bear? I bear, too!
Hot Fashion Trend: Wearing Your Parents’ Underwear
Your mom’s sensible beige bra is going to look soooo good on you.
Spring Scents That Will Drive Him Deep Into A Depressive Episode
Ladies, these spring perfumes will strongly remember him of springs from long ago AND send him into a downward spiral over deep feelings of loss.
Fun Ways To Ask Your Cool Teens If They’ve Had A BM Today
Everybody poops. Even your edgy teen.
You’ll Never Guess The Secret Ingredient In My Leprechaun Blood Cleanse!
Hint: It’s not Lucky Charms.
7 Hot Jackets You Can Tie Around Your Neck Like A Cape
Congrats, you’re a superhero now. Off to save the day!
Travel Guide: A Creepy Chocolate Factory For Which You’ve Won A Tour
Read this guide / when you slide / to a world of fear and trepidation.
Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating With a Circus Clown
No, you’re not crazy – if you’ve got a bad feeling it’s happening, then your spouse probably is cheating on you with a circus clown.
Why We Had A Water Birth At The City Swimming Pool
It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!
Winter Project: How To Gussy Up Your Favorite Glory Hole!
Is the hole in the wall of a public bathroom through which you do unspeakable things starting to look a bit rundown? Then you need an extreme glory hole makeover, buddy.
All The Things We Love About The Royal Throuple
It’s so weird that most of us were scandalized when Prince William and Princess Kate decided to take on a third party into their marriage.
Stick This In Your Butt To Meet An ER Doctor This Valentine’s Day!
No need to thank us.
I Ate This One Thing Every Morning And It Changed My Life
To feel truly different, you’re going to have to make some real life alterations so that you don’t fall back into your old habits. I completely changed my life by eating the same unlikely thing every morning. And that thing is a box of thumbtacks.
Choose Circumcision! We Need To Keep Appeasing The Foreskin Wizard
Whatever you think you know is really just the tip.
I’m So Tired Of My Female Friends Putting Me In The Warp Zone
This always happens to me!