7 Hot Jackets You Can Tie Around Your Neck Like A Cape
The Internet’s many nostalgia-stoking listicles about old video games and cartoons are exploitative, sure, but they also serve a valuable psychological purpose. Remembering stuff from one’s safe and comfortable middle-class childhood is a refreshing and sustaining elixir against a frightening, crumbling word of encroaching poverty, political upheaval, and loneliness. Nostalgia, in a way, is a jacket, and when you put it on your shoulders and run around with your arms extended and pretend to fly, that is when your soul takes “flight.” Doing this as an adult will protect your fragile soul, and now that you’re old enough to have taste and money, you can do it in style.
Lightweight Spring Jacket
A not-too-heavy, brightly colored spring jacket is the perfect cape substitute for grown-ups. It is a garment that flutters around the back. With the arms around your neck, the rest of the jacket gets picked up by the wind, much like a cape would. Your feet, however, stay on the ground. You are not really flying. You’ll feel like you are and will pretend that you are, but you are not, in fact, actually airborne.
Fancy Suit Coat
Rarely do people say “wheeeeee!” when wearing a suit jacket, blazer, or another item of constrictive, business-class outerwear. But when they take that suit jacket, tie the arms together, slip their head between the little hole the knot makes, and run around their office or outdoor destination wedding and get a nice breeze to give that poly-cotton blend a little air, they most definitely say “wheeeeee!” And so will you. Guaranteed.
Generally, fringe jackets are also leather jackets. You’re going to want to get some conditioner to soften the material. Otherwise, those sleeves are going to be tough to drape or tie. But when you do, oh, buddy, just wait. Can you even imagine how good this jacket is going to look when you’re running around and imagining you’re flying? The jacket will look like a substitute cape, and the wind will also tickle the fringe like it’s a bunch of tiny little leaves.
A waterproof jacket becomes a waterproof cape. You’re basically Aquaman now. Yes, we know that Aquaman doesn’t wear a cape, but Aquaman sucks. He sucks precisely because he doesn’t wear a cape. But you know who does now? You, player.
You don’t have to pretend to be a preexisting superhero when you’re wearing a coat like a cape. You can make up your own individualized superhero who reflects your unique tastes, talents, and abilities. Tailor that alter ego to you with a specific coat. Use a fake fur coat, and you could be “Little Miss Fur-fect” or “Captain Fur.” (You can’t use a real fur coat unless you want to be a supervillain, you animal-killing monster.)
The addition of a hood to jacket was revolutionary in practical fashion and pretend superhero fashion. No longer do you have to tie a jacket’s sleeves to each other around your neck, which can be difficult with denim, leather, and other stiff materials. With a hoodie, you can just wear it as usual on the head. Start running, and that jacket will pick up the wind and float in the air just like the substitute cape it wants to be. (This works especially great for balding dudes.)
Jacqueline Kennedy was kind of a superhero in the way that she handled her husband’s violent death with grace and led the nation in quiet, dignified mourning. You could be a superhero Jackie-O when you tie a fitted pink suit coat’s sleeves around your neck. As you do, don’t forget to shout “Look at me, I’m Jackie Kennedy!” just like the real one loved to do.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…