I Didn’t Vaccinate My Kid Because You Know Who Loves Needles? Junkies
Choosing to submit your children to a battery of shots to protect them against fatal diseases is just that: a choice. It’s up to the parents if they decide to vaccinate their kids against measles, mumps, pertussis, and diphtheria. The medical-industrial complex or federal government certainly shouldn’t force them to do so. “Here, take this shot.” Why? “Because we said so!” No thank you. I chose to resist all of that. (#RESIST) I didn’t vaccinate my daughter, Azure. She’s beautiful, kind, smart, and occasionally her mysterious, persistent cough subsides long enough that she can play with the neighborhood children. I will not send my children down the road of junkie-dom.
THIS. IS. NOT. NORMAL!!!!!!
The truth is that, as far as vaccinations are concerned, deeper dangers lurk below. And I know that’s true because I heard the truth about vaccinations from multiple, reliable sources: an email chain forwarded to me by my sister and the mom of a boy in Azure’s preschool class and a segment on Dr. Oz I caught the tail end of on the TV in the waiting room at the place where they rotate my tires. You see, vaccinations cause more harm than they supposedly cure: Getting shots normalizes needles. Normalized needles breeds junkies.
Think about it. Let that sink in. Food for thought. Whenever a kid gets vaccinated, a sweet nurse soothes them, telling them a shot is “no big deal.” That gets them comfortable with the idea of a foreign, metallic object puncturing their flawless flesh. Then, the nurse calls them a “big brave boy” or “big strong girl” and hands over a sticker or a lollipop. We’re making a connection between needles and treats! They’re rewarded for doing drugs. It’s madness!
DRUGS NOW = DRUGS LATER!!!!!!
And then, after your kids are just okay with shots…they start to enjoy them. I’ve seen it thousands of times — I used to work for “the dark side” as a pediatric nurse. And, shamefully, I inoculated my two older sons. Those sons now live — and prostitute themselves — on the mean streets of Tacoma, Washington. After just one MMR inoculation, they’re begging for a booster. “Inject me with another needle, Nurse!” they’ll shout in my face while clawing at my face. “Give me another armful of Lady Sharp!”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my daughter to get addicted to the rush of cold, sharp steel entering her tender, virgin skin.
Ensuring she won’t die of a 19th-century disease as rubella will inevitably turn her into a heroin fiend. Look, if 99-percent of all children in the United States are vaccinated, then 99 percent of all junkies received childhood vaccinations. It’s true. And the truth doesn’t lie. And the truth is that there’s a link between childhood vaccinations and turning tricks for smack.
WORTH IT? WORTH IT!!!!!!
Sure, my un-vaxxed kid has spent the majority of her four years on this earth sweating and vomiting, ironically enough, like a junkie going cold turkey, but she’ll thank me later, when her arm doesn’t look like a bar dartboard. If she lives through the weekend, I mean. Also, the doctors think she might have diabetes, which they say we can control through daily insulin injections.
Nice try, “Big Syringe.”
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…