bunnyears

…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…

Fall Activities That Are More Fun With The Cloaked Man

Some people have brown hair, some people have blue eyes, and some people are constantly pursued by the silent figure known only as “The Cloaked Man.” His real name and intent remain unknown (whenever somebody with a Cloaked Man dies, the Cloaked Man just walks away, disappearing into the closest body of water.) He’s assumed to be male, because his body seems masculine underneath the many folds of his dark velvet cloak.

The Cloaked Man doesn’t really do anything besides just hang around and be spooky, but he can be a real pest, especially in the summer. A ghostly, ghastly figure in a hooded robe just seems awkward and out of place at a beach party or a Fourth of July cookout. But fall? That’s the Cloaked Man’s time to shine! Halloween puts a spooktacular thrill into the air, and the Cloaked Man seems right at home at all kinds of autumnal events. The below activities are way more fun when you’ve got the Cloaked Man along for the (hay)ride!

Trick-Or-Treating

 

Didn’t you kind of hate it when your parents took you trick-or-treating? They were so lame. They’d just hang out on the sidewalk all antsy while you got your candy, and they didn’t even dress up. The Cloaked Man doesn’t do any of that shit. He’ll go Trick-or-Treating with you (because he goes everywhere with you), and he already looks like he’s dressed up. The people handing out candy might even give him a treat! Sure, he’ll crush the candy into a disappearing mist, but on Halloween, that just looks like a super fly magic trick.

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Apple Picking

Everybody complains when their spouse or partner wants to go apple picking. It’s a day-long ordeal! First, you drive upstate to where all the apple orchards are. Then you traipse around in the mud for hours looking for good apples, and the best ones are always hanging way too high to reach. But the Cloaked Man takes care of all that! If he’s in the car (or rather, standing on top of the car, as is his preferred spot), his ominous presence forces all cars to stay 50 feet back, eliminating traffic. Then, when you get to the apple farm, he’ll pick all the best apples from even the highest, most tippy-top of all apple tree branches. He won’t even eat your apples, because all the Cloaked Man eats are handfuls of soil.

Haunted Houses

haunted house
The Cloaked Man tags along here, too (obviously). He’s so naturally ominous that he’ll blend right in. At the scarier moments, he’ll even chuckle if he’s in a good mood. Bonus: The Cloaked Man might be so terrifying that the people who run the haunted house may offer him a seasonal job, which would give you a nice break from the Cloaked Man.

Screenings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Every single one of the many Cloaked Men love going to midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. They’ve attended thousand of screenings, and when the moderator asks if they’re “virgins,” they always say yes, because they want to go up on stage and do something crazy, like participate in an “orgasm contest.” The Cloaked Man always wins, which means free drinks for his entire party—which includes you!

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Leaf Pile Fun

leaves

There’s no fall activity more festive than raking up leaves into a huge pile and then jumping right on in. And when you’re ready to put them all in bags, just call the Cloaked Man on over for his turn. When his haunted cloak comes into contact with those leaves, they instantly burn away into nothingness. (Note: Never touch the Cloaked Man’s haunted cloak).

Images: Pexels, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay

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