A Handy Recipe For Homemade Adderall

Who doesn’t love Adderall? Ritalin’s modern, more efficient cousin, it helps teens pay attention in school and 20-somethings reach their full potential at unpaid internships that could really lead to something. The absolute only problem with Adderall: It’s so hard to get. First you have to convince your skeptical doctor that you even need it, and even then she’ll write you a ‘script for the lowest possible dose. And it’s an even bigger pain to hit up Trent (who’s usually holding Addys somewhere on his person) because that guy’s a creep and charges way too much. And that’s exactly why we’re here with this handy homemade recipe for Adderall. 

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Adderall is both a trademarked product and heavily-regulated pharmaceutical. Our lawyers have advised us to redact sensitive or potentially incriminating information in this recipe. We still think it’s a helpful, informative piece, though.]

What You’ll Need

Purified water

2 oz ammonia

500 mg calcium phosphate

One brick of sulfate salts of  [REDACTED]

35 mg [REDACTED]

Pinch of sugar

2 mL  [REDACTED]

Half a bottle of over-the-counter [REDACTED]

100 g [REDACTED]

1 tbsp tapioca starch

Empty gel caps

Instructions

1. Dilute the ammonia with a splash of purified water. Grind the calcium phosphate until it’s a chalky dust, and gently stir into the solution until it creates a watery paste. Set aside.

2. In a glass baking dish, mix the sulfate salts of [REDACTED], 30 of the 35 mg of [REDACTED], and the pinch of sugar. 

3. Place the dish in your microwave (or pizza oven, if available), and heat the mixture until it reaches a temperature of 1,200° (Kelvin). You’ll know it’s getting close when it forms a substance that isn’t quite solid, but isn’t quite liquid, but is dry when you touch it with a metal rod.

4. Once the heated mixture cools to room temperature, place into a centrifuge, adding the calcium phosphate paste a little at a time.

5. Sprinkle the remaining 5 mg of [REDACTED] on the well-mixed substance and place in your laboratory-grade freezer set to a temperature of -85° Celsius.

6. While that chills (no rush—it’ll take a solid 24-36 hours), prepare the [REDACTED]. (This will help the Adderall bind to the [REDACTED] receptors in the brain.) Place a metal bowl over a pot of boiling water on a stove and drop in the [REDACTED] one mL at a time, then the half bottle of over-the-counter [REDACTED], and the 100 g of [REDACTED] … in that exact order. If you don’t, you’ll wind up with [REDACTED], and you don’t want that.

7. Allow this to bubble until the frozen mixture ices over. When freezing has occurred, remove the substance and add to the simmering liquid, along with the tapioca starch (for binding).

8. Fill gel caps.

9. Enjoy!

Image: Pexel