DETOXIFY: Bunny Ears Detox Our Office Breakroom!
Hello, everyone! Since you’re all too busy to read my emails, I’m making this a public post on the site. Perhaps now you’ll pay attention. So: I think we can all agree we’ve been feeling a little spiritually stifled, right? How long has it been since any of you have undergone a good detox? Well, I submit to you that it’s not just our bodies that need rejuvenation but our environment as well! Our office needs a detox, just like our bodies do! And I know a great place to start: our disgusting break room! Let me quickly review the tools that will help us become our best selves and keep out heretofore undiscovered fungal species.
Let’s start with the amazing lavender scented dish soap I’ve placed near the sink. When used regularly, the scent of lavender has a calming effect on everyone who enters the room. You hear that, Katie? You’ll get our break room smelling amazing as soon as you wash that Tupperware container you left in that sink for two weeks.
Next, I’d like to direct your attention to the reusable rubber gloves and organic disinfectant wipes in the cabinet below the sink. Guys, what’s the object we use the most in the break room? That’s right: our fridge! Imagine all the negative energy that’s built up in there from all the hungry, hungry people who keep spilling their kombucha in their rush for an almond butter fix! To keep that negative energy from spreading, we all need to regularly put on these rubber gloves and use these wipes to—follow me, here—wipe that toxic aura right off our communal fridge! Just gonna get in every nook and cranny and get rid of all that bad juju. And germs. But mostly that bad juju!
Next, let me address the wooden cleaning tool with all-natural fibers attached to the handle that you often step over when you enter the break room. This is called a broom, ladies and gentlemen. Used in conjunction with a dustpan, it can be used to sweep errant croutons off the floor before Katie eats them and contracts some exotic disease you people are definitely bringing in on your shoes and then sneezes on me.
I know everyone has to a lot of work to do, so the last thing I want to talk about is how often we should undergo these detox sessions. It’s very important we do it on a regular basis so we never again become as spiritually contaminated as we are now. I recommend once a week, rotating between the entire staff, and I’ll put up a schedule in the break room so we all know who gets the honor of spiritually cleansing our break room for the week. Who’s with me??