Macrodosing: Taking So Much LSD That Nothing Matters Anymore
Dinnnerinnerinner dinnner . how do you spell that word. dinnnner
Travel Guide: The Secret Canadian Disneyland ONLY For Illuminati
You’ve heard of Club 33, right? You know, that secret club at Disneyland you can only get into if you know the right people where they probably, like, smoke cigars and pass around a poor girl who moved to Hollywood with dreams of being an actress but ended up playing Cinderella for most of her […]
Our Recipe For Trapped Spider Mug Cake
Everyone loves mug cake! It’s fast, easy, and impossible to see what’s inside the mug once you’ve begun making it. Here’s how we happened upon this recipe.
8 Black And White Photos Of Pregnant Women For You To Do Whatever With
You’ve worked hard all week, and quite frankly, you deserve a break! That’s why we’ve created this slideshow of black and white photos of pregnant women for you to do, you know, whatever with. No need to go into detail. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy these beautiful visions of gestation in whatever manner […]
Beautiful Places In The World To Wake Up On Purpose This Time
People say it’s not about the destination but the journey to get there—but I say as long as you made it there in one piece, who cares how it happened.
Rose Gold Butt Plugs For Surviving Your Podcast’s Third Rebrand
The advice for taking a big old honker of a butt plug is the same advice that’s going to help you power your bottom through your podcast’s third rebrand.
I’m Hoping For A Cryotherapy Mishap That Turns Me Into Mr. Freeze
I can’t wait until one of my doctors makes an innocent mistake while adjusting the settings on the cryo-tank and it turns me into Mr. Freeze.
Rustic Bedroom Decor To Accent That Pile Of Leaves You Sleep On
Indulge your inner nymph, you holier-than-thou P.O.S. you!
Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To New Orleans
New Orleans celebrates Mardi Gras the two weeks before Shrove Tuesday, which is … when?
Cut Down On Waste: Let Your Boyfriend Use Your Diva Cup For Mouthwash
Let’s save the planet together!
Build Wealth Even If Your Business Manager Won’t Suck A Dick For You
Like the say in business school, “Don’t blow your money. Let your money blow you.”
Hot Piles Of Garbage: Editor Amanda Mannen’s Morning Routine
Amanda lives in Missoula, Montana, so we didn’t actually go out there to observe her morning routine firsthand even though LAX is one of the few airports that actually flies directly to Missoula because we’re scared of Republicans.
My Son Dialed 1-800-Kars-4-Kids, But They Refused To Give Him A Tesla
Elon Musk is his hero! I tried to explain this to them but they kept asking if I wanted to sponsor the education for some child “in need.”
DIY Your Own Candy Hearts by Killing These Majestic Sugar Elves
All you need is a scalpel and some time.
I Ate This One Thing Every Morning And It Changed My Life
To feel truly different, you’re going to have to make some real life alterations so that you don’t fall back into your old habits. I completely changed my life by eating the same unlikely thing every morning. And that thing is a box of thumbtacks.
This Plant-Based Colombian Breakfast Will Give You All-Day Energy
Thanks to a single plant, I now have so much fucking all-day energy that I’ve been going non-stop for the last 18 hours and am currently writing this at 4:15 in the morning!
Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To Las Vegas
If you’re in Vegas, you’re going to end up with the body of a dead hooker – either accidentally or on purpose, so it’s best to plan ahead!
BBQ Recipes So Good You’ll Go ”I’m so sorry about slavery.”
Finger licking good. Also, really really sorry about slavery.
Choose Circumcision! We Need To Keep Appeasing The Foreskin Wizard
Whatever you think you know is really just the tip.
How Do You Tell If An Object Sparks Joy Or Just Gave You An Orgasm Once?
No, literally all I have left now are vibrators and cake mix.
Luxurious Ski Resorts You Couldn’t Get Into, So Actually Nevermind
You probably wouldn’t even know what to do if you did get into one anyway.
Which Artisan-Crafted DUI is Right For You?
Anyone can get caught speeding with a few Fentanyl IPA patches on their arm and a desire for danger.
Macaulay Culkin’s Wellness Island Festival Has Been Regretfully Cancelled
Turns out crabs are no joke!
Easy Diet Changes To Make You Healthier, Happier, and Afraid To Eat
It’s not hard to make these small changes in your life, it just takes a little planning and a TON of constant anxiety.
Chrissy Teigen Is The Anti-Gwyneth, So I Guess We Have To Eat Her
How else shall we absorb her powers?
My Morning Routine: Pilates And An Orgasm From A Stranger
It’s a simple thing, but I think it is worth it.
Barney The Dinosaur On Shopping, Sex, And His Healthy Purple Glow
We’re all about the icons of the ’90s, and perhaps no one is more iconic of that simpler time than Barney the Dinosaur. We grew up alongside that taxonomically ambiguous purple creature, so it’s only natural that he also grew up alongside us. What you may not know (but, of course, we do, because we […]
There Was A Mini Friends Reunion In My Latest Restraining Order
Whenever more than one former Friends cast member enters the same room it is a mini Friends reunion and must be reported as such.
7 Fun Knives For Severing Your Pinkie After Breaking Your Resolutions
There was no way you were really going to “Travel More” this year.
5 Questions About Spaghetti You Should Never Ask on a Job Interview
The question job applicants dread.
Travel Guide: Night Vale
I don’t really know how I ended up in Night Vale. No one here does. One day, you just find yourself there.
I’m Not The Writer Of This Article, I’m Just Burgling Her Apartment
She just fell asleep while submitting a piece and I’ve never been published before so, wow!
Why We’ve Moved Our Offices To A Barge On International Waters
It has zero to do with our recent legal troubles, okay?
Sugar-Free Christmas Cookies Less Disappointing Than Your Incel Son
Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.
The Beginner’s Guide To The Perfect Plantation Wedding
Morally compromise everyone you love for the day of your dreams.
Maybe It’s The Meth Talking, But These Detox Tips Make Me Feel Like A God
Fuck! Are you feeling this?
These New Twists On Hot Cocoa Might Literally Save Your Life
Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]
Gift Ideas For Santa, Who Is Real, Despite What Liars Say
All level-headed, thoughtful adults know that Santa is totally real and totally in need of some sweet Christmas presents.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…