Which Artisan-Crafted DUI is Right For You?
Anyone can get caught speeding with a few Fentanyl IPA patches on their arm and a desire for danger.
Confuse And Terrify Your Children Into Eating Healthy
Try these handy tricks to both terrify and confuse them into submission.
How Do You Tell If An Object Sparks Joy Or Just Gave You An Orgasm Once?
No, literally all I have left now are vibrators and cake mix.
How To Not Look Too Rich While Traveling In A Foreign Country
So you’re interested in traveling in a foreign country —specifically a developing nation—but you’re afraid your MacBook and designer jeans might make you stand out just a tad too much? Have no fear, for we know exactly what to do to temporarily poor-ify your digs and make you blend in like a precious upper-middle-class baby […]
My Superfood Diet Has Made Me Immeasurably Powerful, And I’m Not Ready For The Responsibility
It started harmlessly enough. I’d gained a bit of winter weight, and I decided to kick my diet up a notch in the hopes of getting my abs back before #beachseason. I decided I’d cut out sugars, cut down on carbs. More leafy greens, more protein, more exercise. It was simple stuff. At first. As […]
Bunny Ears Staff Advice Column: HOBBIES
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the third ever Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now … ] Q – Kelly Wallace-Barnhill I have taken on so many projects and have so much to get done that […]
BBQ Recipes So Good You’ll Go ”I’m so sorry about slavery.”
Finger licking good. Also, really really sorry about slavery.
Way Too Formal Breakfasts For After Casual Sex
I have always considered myself a sex-positive woman. I have needs, and I’m not afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t treat my (extremely casual, no strings-attached) partner, Liam, with dignity and kindness. We might not be a couple (which again, I’m 100% okay with), but I don’t ever want him to […]
My Three Days On The Ranch Dressing Cleanse
The Apex Diet: Eat Only What Can Eat You!
For as long as I could remember, I’ve always been a pussy. I vividly recall the days where I’d be standing alongside countless cowards at the nearest grocery store, spending my hard-earned money on frozen pizzas, boxes of dry macaroni, or preservative-filled burgers. Some call it sustenance. Some even call it satisfying. But let’s call […]
These New Twists On Hot Cocoa Might Literally Save Your Life
Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]
Our Restaurant’s New Insect Menu Has Nothing To Do With The Recent Fumigation
The two events are purely coincidental.
The Best (And Worst) Governments To Get Mind Controlled By
It’s inescapable. No matter where you go, the government is going to mind control you either through low tech microwaves and chemicals in the water, or with high tech nanobots in your flu vaccines. Cuba showed us what happens when an inexperienced government tries its hand at mind control using tech that is well above […]
The All Cat Food Diet! (That Definitely Isn’t Just A Symptom of My Severe Toxoplasmosis)
Guys. GUYS. I really need to tell you about this amazing new cat food diet and how it has improved my life. This isn’t another one of my fads. This has undeniable results. I’ve saved so much money, lost so much weight, and no longer fret about pretty much anything. And it’s fostered a stronger […]
Recipe: The 27 Flavors I Added to This Muffin Mix Until I Could Feel Something
I used to be like you. When I was a child, I could be satisfied with a simple vanilla cupcake. Oh, how wistful I am for those days of carefree innocence. As I grew older, my palate matured, and I craved the apple cinnamon crumble. I longed for the orange chocolate creme brulee. I was […]
Meat-Based Tofu Alternatives We Love
Are you struggling to find a good replacement for the soy you love? You’re not totally tofurked. We’ve got a list of incredible meat alternatives.
The Real Nutritional Supplement Was Inside You All Along
But how did I get regular after taking the supplements when I was so constipated before, you ask? Guess what. That was also you. Your poops were stuck inside your colon waiting for you to believe in yourself.
From The Bunny Ears Test Kitchen: Pickled CBD Gluten-Free Cast-Iron Coconut Butter Crystal “Salmon” Taco Bowl With Salted Maca, Herbed Ghee, And Panamanian Venomous Toad
It’s summer, and at Bunny Ears, that means exactly two things: taco bowls and experimenting with dangerously powerful exotic hallucinogens from around the globe. Why not mix the two? After all, psychoactive substances have proven spiritual and psychological benefits, and taco bowls are delicious. To ensure a taco bowl of maximum mind-opening, exotic flavor, we’ll […]
Mmm Look at This Pie I Baked That None of My Thin Children Are Allowed to Eat
After spending an entire weekend indoors baking and decorating like a madwoman, my Pinterest foodie page is off the frickin’ charts right now. Look at this pie. Look at it. When it comes to pretty food, I am Michelangelo. But just as you do not touch the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, none of my […]
Beautiful Places In The World To Wake Up On Purpose This Time
People say it’s not about the destination but the journey to get there—but I say as long as you made it there in one piece, who cares how it happened.
My Morning Routine: Pilates And An Orgasm From A Stranger
It’s a simple thing, but I think it is worth it.
Oh, I’ll Tell You How To Make These Vegan Sugar Cookies, But First You’ll Have To Read My Ridiculously Long Sugar Cookie Journey
Hey guys, I’m so glad that you came to check out my fave sugar cookie recipe! I know you probably just want to scroll down to the ingredients and get the recipe, but I’m going to make that as difficult for you as possible. Some might say I’m holding the recipe hostage. But instead of […]
These Prenatal Potatoes Pause Your Postpartum Depression
Both prenatal and postnatal self-care are vital when it comes to motherhood. The right foods, supplements, and healthful habits can make all the difference when your little one arrives, and this is perhaps especially true when it comes to avoiding postpartum depression. While there’s no one way to 100% guarantee that postpartum depression won’t happen […]
I Support Wildlife Preservation So I Can Eat The Last Of Every Animal
Yes, even the cute ones. Especially the cute ones. Mmmmm delicious wildlife preservation.
Decor So Minimal, You’ll Wonder If You Even Exist
Minimalism is here to stay. What’s the point of filling your domicile with meaningless junk when there’s no point to anything? If you’re ready to dive into the design style that answers the question “what brings me joy?” with “almost nothing,” here’s a few rules of thumb for making your dwelling look as empty as […]
4 Healthy Meal Ideas for a Pescatarian Diet!
I was shocked when my allergist told me I had a reaction to every single fruit and vegetable on the test except for onions and potatoes. I’d spent hours on that table while he prodded me with twigs and leaves, it was easily the worst food play of my life. I had spent a few […]
The Importance Of Time-Travel-Restricted Eating
Look, we love food as much as the next guy. But there has to be limits. That’s why time travel restricted meals are so important.
Ramen Garnishes That Say “Adventurous but Late with Rent”
Maybe getting fired was fortunate and being a foodie is my thing now!
Two Days in Southeast Portland: A Bunny Ears Travel Guide
Insider tip: Portland’s hottest neighborhood sits at the foot of a volcano. Known for its supply-and-demand-defying concentration of pour-over coffee shops (not to mention an over-saturated body ink scene!), the South Tabor community affords visitors decent eats and some seriously earthy nightlife options. One day is too short a time to embrace it, but two […]
Chrissy Teigen Is The Anti-Gwyneth, So I Guess We Have To Eat Her
How else shall we absorb her powers?
Bunny Ears Essentials: Abiogenesis
Welcome to Bunny Ears Essentials! Today, our topic is abiogenesis, the origin of life in the form of simple organic compounds that arise from inorganic or non-living substances. Abiogenesis likely occurred over 3.5 billion years ago on Earth. (Don’t come at us with your panspermia hypothesis bullshit!) But don’t be fooled by how long it’s been—abiogenesis […]
Caring for Those Wild Animals Infesting Your Home Thanks to Jumanji
So, you played Jumanji and now your house is filled to the brim with animals. What do you do now?