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…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
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…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
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…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
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…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
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…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
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… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…

Gift Ideas For Santa, Who Is Real, Despite What Liars Say

The holiday season is finally here! It’s time to start buying gifts for Mom, Dad, your special someone, that cool guy at work you want to grab fun work beers with, and anyone else who deserves more than a dirty sack of coal. But what do you get for the person who is usually the one giving the gifts? I am, of course, talking about my main man, Santa Claus!  Rumors have been swirling for years that he’s not real, and that’s just ridiculous. All level-headed, thoughtful adults know that Santa is totally real and totally in need of some sweet Christmas presents. Let’s run down some amazing, creative gift ideas for Ol’ St. Nick, who is absolutely, 100% a real person.

A Cookie Cake

Santa has been getting cookies for years, and like all other real people, Santa gets bored of getting the same presents every year. Turn this Christmas standard on its head by getting Santa a cookie cake! Cookie cakes puts a delicious spin on a traditional dessert and can be decorated with specific holiday designs, personalized messages, and fun Christmas colors. Did I mention they’re delicious? Santa will love chowing down on his special cake, and it will definitely cure his sweet tooth. Humans gotta eat! And Santa is a living, breathing human.

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A New Suit

Santa has been rocking that comfy-looking red suit for a long time. He’s very old (but clearly ages differently than other humans or is on some amazing secret supplements, there’s a perfectly valid explanation for how he’s lived so long), but that doesn’t mean he can’t be fashionable. Let’s all get Santa some stylin’ new threads! We know that Santa prefers red and white, but there are so many great shades that he’d look great in. Wouldn’t Santa Man look slick with a burgundy skinny suit on his factually corporeal body?

Luggage

People rarely think to buy themselves luggage, so we can assume that Santa hasn’t re-upped his travel swag in a long time. Consider leaving a matching set near the tree or displayed in a visible area for Santa to collect when he comes to your house and leaves presents for your children and loved ones, as he always does in reality. Santa has real human feelings like we all do, and he will be so touched that you went out of your way to buy him a gift that he wouldn’t have gotten for himself.

I’ve actually met Santa in real life, so I know for a fact that he’s in the market for luggage. Whenever I see Santa (who sometimes goes by the nickname “Thad”) hanging out at Ridgedale Mall near my apartment, he’s always carrying the same old rolling suitcase with broken wheels. Clearly, he’s so busy preparing our Christmas that he doesn’t stop to think about his own needs. Do something nice for this man!

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A Meal Preparation Kit Subscription

Going out for dinner can be so expensive, and after a long day of overseeing tiny, festive creatures who make toys, it can be hard to work up the energy to make a whole meal from scratch. That’s why a great gift for this very real human person who requires biological sustenance is a subscription to a company that sends easy meal preparation kits each week.

These kits contain simple ingredients and easy-to-follow instructions which Santa will have no problem handling. After all, it’s not like he’s got a Mr. Claus to help out in the kitchen! Let’s blow the lid off this Mrs. Claus myth. It’s been perpetuated for too long and must stop. There’s no way Mrs. Santa Claus is real.

Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay

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