David has written for such websites as Filmschoolrejects.com and Cracked, where he was an editor, video writer, and columnist. He now spends his days streaming board games and co-hosting Best Bad Movie Ever, Hypecast, and We Just Watched. Check out his Patreon or give him a tweet or two.
Non-Phallic Sex Toys For When You Wanna Get Plowed By A Muppet
We can approximate Muppet genitals based on their design with the following colorful sex toys clearly designed to simulate Muppintercourse.
Water-Saver! Collect And Store Your Own Spit For Later Consumption
This is a good idea.
Dating Tips For Ensuring They Don’t Find Your Box Of Fake Security Badges
The last thing an on-the-market millennial needs is for that new special someone to stumble upon your embarrassing collection of scattered fake security badges and hospital IDs. Cringe!
Serene Bottomless Pits To Visit This Summer
You’ll want to stare into these bottomless, lonely cavities for the rest of your life.
Get Your Strongest Core Ever With Nonstop Crying!
Some call it “Sob Crunches” while others like myself prefer “Exer-crying”.
Breathing Exercises To Use In Case You Get Buried Alive Someday
Have you heard of alternate nostril breathing?
How to Raise Your Boys to Be Feminists Who Also Rock at Magic
We need to teach our boys consent, mutual respect, and how to freaking rock at magic.
How to Listen to Your Body’s Needs Using 6 FT. of Hose and Some Lube
Self care is important. That’s why we want you to listen to your body. No, like REALLY listen to it. Know what we’re saying?
Bunny Ears Live at Saved by the Max in West Hollywood, CA
I don’t know how we could even begin to explain this one.
Eating Sliders, Talking Sliders With Jerry O’Connell (Interview)
This thing has got LAYERS baby!
Classic Novels To Read When You’re Trapped Under A Bookshelf
Never read “Little Women”? Now you have time!
‘Netflix And Chill’ Options For Letting Him Know You’re Into Pegging
But how can a gal turn her “Netflix and Chill” event into a fully-blown strap-attack? Here are some helpful movies and shows to get you started…
A Guide To Detoxing Your Red Dead Online Character
More than 150 million Americans play video games, many online. And from what we’ve heard, online gaming is apparently one of the most toxic environments around.
Manage Social Anxiety Even Though Everyone Is Only Pretending To Like You
Love Yourself And Others Will Follow, Even The Paid Actors Pretending To Be Your Parents.
Macrodosing: Taking So Much LSD That Nothing Matters Anymore
Dinnnerinnerinner dinnner . how do you spell that word. dinnnner
8 Black And White Photos Of Pregnant Women For You To Do Whatever With
You’ve worked hard all week, and quite frankly, you deserve a break! That’s why we’ve created this slideshow of black and white photos of pregnant women for you to do, you know, whatever with. No need to go into detail. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy these beautiful visions of gestation in whatever manner you […]
Aromainjury: Slowly Defeat Your Enemy With These Scent Oils
The less-practiced craft of Aromainjury will help you organically conquer that nosy coworker or messy roommate. Here are our favorite fragrances of annihilation!
8 Unlabeled Jars Of Powder That Might Boost Your Immune System
I mean who knows, right?
The Pizza Underground Reunion Episode Of The Bunny Ears Podcast
Yeah I want pizza, and I want it for free. Gimme pizza, pepperoni extra cheese!
9 Facts You Didn’t Know About Getting Even With Dad
While It Didn’t Do Great In The States, The Film Was A Big Hit In The Republic Of Macedonia Where It Released Under The Title “Kill Ponytail Father”
This Plant-Based Colombian Breakfast Will Give You All-Day Energy
Thanks to a single plant, I now have so much fucking all-day energy that I’ve been going non-stop for the last 18 hours and am currently writing this at 4:15 in the morning!
8 Eclectic Bathroom Designs You Could Totally Bust A Fat Log In
Who says you can’t drop anchor and also be inspired?
7 Fun Knives For Severing Your Pinkie After Breaking Your Resolutions
There was no way you were really going to “Travel More” this year.
Chic Winter Dresses That Scream ‘AGGHHH I’M NOT A DRESS I’M ALIIIVE’
It’s incredibly disturbing.
Organic Scarecrow: Save The Planet By Dressing An Ancient Mummy In Overalls
Let’s face it: nobody likes birds. This goes double for any salt-of-the-earth farmer maintaining their autumn kale crop or repurposed urban xeriscape. Unfortunately our current scarecrow technology has yet to advance past the wasteful hay usage long established in the 1900s, and I for one think it’s time we change that. That’s why I came […]
The Perfect 10 Days In Chile’s San José Copper–Gold Mine
While known for its volcanic mountaintops, the true treasure of Chile lies not in the peaks – but rather a secret far below. It’s no wonder that some say the country acquired its name from the Quechua word for “the deepest point of the Earth”. Earlier this summer myself and four close friends took a […]
Bison Urethra: The Biodegradable Alternative To Plastic Straws
Ever since it’s been scientifically proven that plastic straws are the number-one and only threat to our Mother Earth, we as a society have come together to annihilate every last shred of this tubular capitalist sin and herald a new age where the oceans are completely and forever safe. Congratulations! But no victory is without […]
Easy Hand-To-Hand Techniques For Fighting A Doctor Who Wants To Vaccinate Your Child
Everyone enlightened with holistic knowledge knows that doctors are the Hitlers of modern history. While peace is the best policy, there comes a time in every person’s life when they simply must fight back against oppression, and in the war for our children’s safety, there is no price too high. This is why, in the […]
This Fall’s Must-Haves (According To Pumpkin Spice Tea Leaves)
While beautiful for northern topiary and cozy fashion, autumn marks the time of year when holiday stress officially begins. ‘Tis the season for checkout lines and gift-giving headaches! Lord knows if there were a way to get ahead of all the toy and clothing buzz we’d kill to know it. Well, you’re in luck, future […]
The Definitive List Of Best Lists In All Of Listory
Ask any math or morphological expert and they’ll tell you that the list is by far the strongest structure in nature. A bee’s honeycomb consists of an unordered list of hexagons. Trees are assigned a list of leaves that annually drop off to be subsequently re-appended. And of course, the biological superiority of a creature […]