8 Unlabeled Jars Of Powder That Might Boost Your Immune System

February 21, 2019 by
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So much can wreak havoc on the immune system, it’s important to preemptively protect yourself for the cold season. The way Shaolin monks train for pain endurance, so can you reinforce physical and spiritual wellness simply by consuming the dusty innards of various unlabeled jars of powder you find lying about. No matter what’s in there, there’s a good chance it’ll boost immunity. Right? Here are some personal favorites!

  • 8. Some Kind Of White: What we know for sure is that this is some type of fine, bone-white powder. Too thick to be salt or sugar, this is likely flour or baking soda, but we can’t be sure unless we shovel handfuls into our many orifices. Yes, you can simply eat this clumpy mystery if you so desire, but it would be way more efficient to feverishly stuff every hole that God gave you. It probably can’t hurt!
  • 7. Hmmm … It’s Either Coffee Or Dirt: This might be coffee, but there’s also no reason to think it’s not some kind of soil, perhaps from a compost pile or the outskirts of a playground. Either way, tipping this jar over your gaping maw and choking down the contents is guaranteed to give you that much-needed pep to start your day. We aren’t technically wrong in saying that it would certainly wake you up to ingest this jar of brown, and who knows? Maybe it’s actually some kind of immunity-boosting vitamin mix? You don’t know!
  • 6. Science Powder: It’s common knowledge that science has the best powders. This unlabeled jar contains very little powder, implying that what few grains there are must be extremely potent and therefore probably good for your immune system. Maybe the powder is so science that it’ll turn you into some kind of superhuman who is unable to get sick! One thing is for sure: If you consume the contents of this science jar, you’re very likely to never worry about getting sick ever again.
  • 5. This Delightful Ceramic Jar Smells Like Rat Sex: What an adorable jar this is! Perfect for any windowsill or restaurant decoration, this Western-style ceramic jar smells like a moldy cup of vomit poured inside a discarded roadside condom. What bizarre powder could possibly dwell under that beautifully crafted lid? It's best to fling this baby open and see with your mouth! Get it all in there before you can even think about it. Your body will thank you for your effort.
  • 4. Is That Even Powder? You'd Better Eat It To Find Out! Oh, no! Is that even powder? It looks like it could be cream or possibly powder that has been added to a mysterious clear liquid. Maybe it’s water, but it could also be bleach. Honestly, there’s only one way to know for sure, and there’s a very real chance it will help your body defend itself against infectious organisms. Maybe try rubbing it on your glands as well!
  • 3. A Festive Jar We Found In A Shed: Folks, there’s a 50-50 chance that this will taste great when mixed with milk. Adorned in a way to imply some kind of confection, this deceptive-looking jar was found at a nearby factory shed by the train tracks. Perhaps some bindle-wielding hobo was collecting ingredients for a lonely Christmas treat before unceremoniously dying from a heroin overdose, or maybe this jar was prepared by some Santa-themed serial killer attempting to lure children to a dockside strangling. Maybe it’s delicious Ovaltine! You won’t know until you try it.
  • 2. Choose Wisely: Statistically speaking, one of these options will certainly help your body against germs. It’s simply a matter of choosing the correct one, and don’t you fucking dare open it first. I want to see you pick up a jar and immediately down its contents. I want you to pour whatever you find in there all over your face and hair. Do it now.
  • unlabeled jars of powder
    1. Smash This Empty Jar And Then Eat The Glass Dust: If you really want to up your immunity game, there’s really no better way than to smash and grind this glass jar with a claw hammer until it becomes a fine dust. Then, using a credit card, rake and scoop the glass into a shot glass before consuming it in one quick motion. Be sure to inhale as you do it so that some of it gets into your lungs. There’s no way this wouldn’t make your immune system a problem of the past!

 

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