A Guide To Detoxing Your Red Dead Online Character

Ahead of heart disease and vaccinations, toxicity is the number one leading cause of death in the world. For this reason, it is crucial to detox your environment, including the home, workplace, car, and—of course—body! But why stop there? More than 150 million Americans play video games, and from what we’ve heard, online gaming is apparently one of the most toxic environments around. The odds are good that your Red Dead Redemption 2 character is badly in need of a good detox.

Eat Right, Dummy!

When you (or the digital vessel you’ve chosen to represent you) are living the cowboy life, it’s easy to pack your body with harmful meals like plump bird or the (even occasional) chocolate bar lifted from the ransacked house of a double homicide. Even the meals you think are good for you might turn out to be quite bad. Those canned apricots may slightly increase your cores, but have you checked out their carb content? Surprisingly, it’s far more healthy to munch on a few classic oatcakes or even a cigarette or two.

In terms of large meals, it’s best to swap that canned corned beef for some oregano prime beef instead. The antimicrobial properties of the oregano make it ideal for the detox process. However, it’s important to get your beef from bison instead of sneaking onto a farm, kidnapping the occupants before drowning them in Stillwater Creek, and killing the cows. Grass-fed bison meat is both leaner than most red meat while still rich in iron, zinc, and vitamin B-12. Fish is also a great option as long as you focus on catching catfish, which—along with smaller fish—will contain fewer toxins.

Don’t forget ginseng! Best found in West Elizabeth, this miracle plant will reduce stress and lower blood sugar. It can often be found in the pockets of deceased doctors and bandits that you’ve recently and systematically executed by hogtying and then dropping into the cleansing blue of Stillwater Creek.

Soak It Up

While available in the single-player version, there sadly isn’t a way to bathe your online Red Dead character. The closest we get is the option to splash your face with water, which we absolutely recommend doing every chance you get. This isn’t just for relaxation or to douse the blood seemingly caked into your pores after a long day of prowling the streets of Saint Denis in order to beat men and women before drowning their bodies in Stillwater Creek. Good hygiene is the peas and carrots of the detox process.

But that’s just your face. If possible, it’s also recommended that you stand in rainy areas or even do some swimming in the lake or ocean. Of course, it’s best to avoid the toxic runoff of Elysian Pool as well as the watery wails of every trapped soul in Stillwater Creek, so choose your natural tub wisely.

Sweat Out Those Toxins

It’s tempting to take your trusted horse to every errand or secluded farmhouse possibly containing another family of the soon-to-be-cleansed, but a little running goes a long way toward the detoxification process. Try taking a jog into Rhodes to purchase those extra bullets or find an N.P.C. to follow for hours before hogtying, carrying to Stillwater Creek, and then laughing at their struggle to escape before tossing them into the welcoming depths. Not only does this give your character some much-needed exercise, it lets you sweat out any unwanted toxins that have built up during your day.

Want to save time? Simply jog straight to a nearby body of water to wash away the sweat, then find a person on a boat and lure them to the shore before taking yet another soul, you mighty Monster Of Stillwater Creek: Living Folktale Of Sorrows.

Get Some Forever Sleep

Something else missing from the Red Deadmulti-player mode is the act of sleeping, which is crucial to the detox process. Sleep keeps your heart healthy, reduces stress, improves memory, helps with inflammation, and more. So how do we rectify this oversight? The answer is as simple as dying! Leap off a cliff, jump in front of a train, or commit suicide by cop in the center of Valentine or Strawberry. There’s no better way to flush your system of toxins than abandoning your virtual husk and respawning afresh like some kind of newborn God. Don’t worry, your character will still have a soul, all thanks to the spiritual cache of imprisoned ghosts you’ve created down at Stillwater Creek.

Images: Rockstar Games via /u/UnknownZarko, /u/Jescahh, /u/mikahhhxx