Tag Archives: murder
Unleash Your Inner Mermaid And Lure Sailors To Their Briney Deaths
Ladies, we all have a magnificent mergirl inside us just waiting to burst out. (A hot one, obviously, with super nice abs and no arm fat—not at all like those weird Harry Potter ones.) And if your authentic merlass is waiting for her merdebut, we want to help! That’s why we’ve talked to doctors – […]
I’ve Never Been Prouder Than The Day I Helped My Children Beat Their First Murder Charge
There are many moments during your life as a parent in which you get to feel immeasurable pride for the children your first marriage bore you. Once you and your partner’s schedules lined up and you could reserve time in between getting your enamel sealed with cucumber spring water and applying a Starbucks cold brew […]
Make Your Summer Camp Killing Spree Sex-Positive This Year
This year, as you’re polishing off the ol’ family machete for your traditional summer camp killing spree, keep in mind how the world is changing. Some of your behavior on past killing sprees is now considered unacceptable. That’s always been the case, according to Mother, but if you don’t start making the following changes, you’ll […]
The Bunny Ears Guide to Living Out of Your Luxury Car
I’ve been to the bottom, man. Last night was the fourth straight evening I spent catching z’s in my vehicle. Granted, it’s happened to the best of us, especially us common folk who refuse handouts and breadcrumbs from the 1%. But it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’ve […]
Lifestyle Tips I Learned From the Cadavers on Bones
Television inevitably influences the fashion sense of its viewers (raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by “the Rachel”), though you may not think a series like Bones, focusing as it does on the maggot-covered remains of terribly unfashionable people, has much to offer in that regard. Well, I’m here to tell you that […]
A Few Ways To Break-Up With Someone Who Won’t Take No For An Answer
They say breaking up is hard to do, but it’s immensely harder if your significant other won’t allow it. You say “We’re over,” they say “Sushi for dinner?” You say, “Sure, I’m starved,” and round and round you go. But don’t lose hope. You don’t have to stay stuck in this relationship until death do […]
A More Modern Memento: Going HAM Online With Short Term Memory Loss!
What site is this? The blue header … It looks like Facebook. Wait … Doesn’t Twitter sometimes have a blue header? My God, what if I’ve taken a left turn and stumbled into Tumblr territory? My name is Ken Hanley, and I suffer from short-term memory loss as a result of a vicious assault by […]
Children’s Party Ideas That’ll Really Make Your Kids Earn Their Keep
Listen, you have to throw at least a few birthday parties for those sticky, squirmy parasites who insist on calling you “Mommy” no matter how many times you tell them your actual name. If you don’t, your mom-friends will start to get resentful of how many cupcakes they’ve forked out in the past, and it’s […]
Taking Your Daughter On Vacation, No Matter What the Judge Says
Have you and your daughter been drifting apart? Growing up is tough and can put a strain on a mother-daughter relationship, as can the mania and depression caused by your bipolar disorder. What better way to bridge the divide than to whisk her away on the tropical road trip of a lifetime! Sure, you could […]
We Contacted Marilyn Monroe’s Ghost, And TBH She Was Kind Of A Drag
It’s an age-old question: If you could have dinner with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be? For a lot of women living that #blessed Hollywood lifestyle, the answer is obviously Marilyn Monroe. Not only was she talented, intelligent, and troubled, she probably has some bomb makeup tips. Well, for those of […]
SuperFood Secrets! That If You Tell Anyone I’ll Kill You
Everyone wants to extend and enrich their lives by eating natural, healthy, food but only the chosen few can. I mean, let’s face it, if we were all going to live forever thanks to our clean eating, then the earth would be massively overcrowded. So I’ll tell you my super food secrets, but I swear […]
Fun Spring Manicures That Leave Clues to a Murder
Hey Bunnies! It’s that time of year again: The days are getting longer, the temperatures are rising, and you’re totally itching to break out a fresh new spring manicure. Plus, Detective Ramirez is circling ever closer to the unspeakable truth that only you know, but will never be able to bring yourself to say aloud. […]
A Guide To Grieving All The Yoshis You’ve Killed
The first stage of grief is harder than the last stage of Forest of Illusion.
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
How I Escaped My Children This Summer
Oh, sure, everyone always gets sooooo excited for summer. A smorgasbord of fashionable outdoor festivals, sipping mai-tais on elegant beach-side patios, entirely new ways of getting judged by your body – what’s not to love? Your kids, for one thing. Did it occur to you that your kids are going to be home all day, for […]
I No Longer Believe In Cage-Free Zoos Now That My Family Is Dead
The hyena ambush really sealed the deal.
Tips For Making Your Home Feel Less Like A Place Where People Get Murdered
Inviting a new person into your home can be stressful, especially if you’re planning to murder that person. It’s crucial for your home to say to the world, “Come in, get comfy, expose your jugular, maybe take a nap.” It can be difficult to make your home feel less like a place where people get […]
How To Kimchi That Body In Your Backyard
Love kimchi? Need to dispose of a body? Well you’re in luck!
Six Spring Divorce Court Looks Guaranteed To Give Him Full Custody
If the nanny isn’t watching these kids YOU shouldn’t have to. Check out our divorce court wardrobe advice and make sure HE gets custody.
Chrissy Teigen Is The Anti-Gwyneth, So I Guess We Have To Eat Her
How else shall we absorb her powers?
I’m Only Taking Parenting Advice From Killer Whales From Now On
Killer whales have dominated the mommy game lately, which is why I’m now only communicating with my children with squeaking and nose bumps.
What Happened To That Bread Vendor In Aladdin? The (Chilling) True Story
What Disney doesn’t want you to know.
The Small Wonder Cast: Where They Are Literally Right Now
We tagged them with GPS trackers, like a bunch of wild animals
Mack And Josh Peck Get Real Dark In This Podcast Episode
Macaulay Culkin talks babies, being a cat dad, and murder secrets with Josh Peck in this week’s Bunny Ears Podcast episode.
How to Decide Which Cat Is Inheriting Your Fortune
You may love your cats equally, but they aren’t all equal when it comes to personal responsibility.
Brunch, Avenging My Father, And Five Other Things I’m Obsessed With
Wow, it was so sweet of Bunny Ears to let me do this little round-up of all the things I’ve been obsessed with lately! Honestly, I’m totally and completely obsessed with so many things that it was hard to narrow it down to just these seven. From dry-brushing to white nail polish to solving my […]
A Guide To Detoxing Your Red Dead Online Character
More than 150 million Americans play video games, many online. And from what we’ve heard, online gaming is apparently one of the most toxic environments around.
Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To New Orleans
New Orleans celebrates Mardi Gras the two weeks before Shrove Tuesday, which is … when?
My Resolution Is To Be A Better Person So I Chose Jane from Accounting
Everyone loves Jane. No one likes me. So, Jane seemed like the perfect resolution.
Amazing Products 100% Not Involved In The Murder I’ve Been Accused Of
Everything must go! As soon as possible!