How to Decide Which Cat Is Inheriting Your Fortune

May 12, 2019 by
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We all dread the thought of dividing up our estate. The bigger it is, the harder that process can be. The last thing you want is your various heirs fighting over an inheritance. So, as you grow closer to your checkout date, it’s important to think rationally about which cat will be the most dependable beneficiary. Whether they’ve torn up a sofa or pooped on the bed, it’s hard to know which kitty can handle your multimillion dollar holdings. So let’s talk through the various options you have when picking a cat to inherit your obscene FUR-tune.

Who’s The Most Reliable With Money?

This is always the best place to start when picking between your purrfect pals. You’re not going to live forever, so get your cats up to speed financially as quickly as possible. Put them on an allowance. Whatever you think is reasonable. Let’s say, $1,000 a week per puss. Then, at the end of the month, sit down with them and see who has the most money left. The last thing you want is a cat to inherit a substantial, only for them to end up dead of a catnip overdose within the year. It happens. Believe me. By teaching financial literacy now, you’ll have a better sense of which cat handle the pressures of affluence later.

Cat sitting

Are Any Of Them Civic Minded?

With great wealth comes great responsibility. Before you leave your estate to one, or a few of your kitties, determine what they’re going to do with the money. With climate change threatening our planet, and extreme poverty condemning too many to the fringes of society, you should be certain your feline friends will use their newfound wealth to make the world a better place. Extravagances are one thing. If they want to make a cat scratcher out of solid gold, that’s their prerogative. It will be their money, after all. But they should also do something to benefit others, whether that be people or cats or the homeless or whatever.

Can They Explain This To Your Children?

There is always an issue when an estate is being divided. While you may have decided which cat gets what ahead of time, you have to remember how painful this can be for your biological children. Not only has their parent just passed away, but they’ve also been squeezed out of an inheritance they may have thought was rightfully theirs. Remember, while your children are in their 30s and 40s, your cats have only been around for 6 or 7 years. The kids may feel, no matter how much they’ve disappointed you, that they deserve some of the hundreds of millions of dollars you’ve earned. So be sure that they at least have a good relationship with the cat who’s taking their fortune. They may not like it, but at least they will respect it.

Cat staring

If CAT-atonic, Who Will Pull The Plug?

It’s hard to predict exactly how we’ll meet our maker. Some hard choices may have to be made. What if you find yourself in a coma, brain dead but still technically alive? It sounds like a nightmare, and it may fall to your kitty cats to make the tough call. So which of your little pussies can handle that kind of emotional baggage? For me, I know my Caterina is steely but sensitive. Chairman Meow has lived through a lot already, having been born in a public toilet. It’s tough. Whoever you pick to have power of attorney shouldn’t get distracted by the first laser pointer that comes along. Not with your life on the line. 

That Said, Be Wary Of Cats That Could Murder You

You love these little buggers more than life itself, but this is a quarter of a billion dollars we’re talking about. So when picking a cat to inherit that vast fortune, make sure they’re not to type to take matters into their own hands. Look, if you drop dead in front of them, and they end up eating your corpse, so be it. They’re cats. It happens. But don’t you dare trust a cat with that killer instinct. If they have a habit of bringing you dead birds and mice, be wary. If they scratch at you when angry, think twice. If you’ve ever caught them purring on the phone, and then claiming it was a wrong number, just leave them out of the will altogether. It may hurt now, but it’ll hurt a lot more when their claws are around your throat.

Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay


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