How To Talk To Your Kids About Skeletons Trying To Steal Your Treasure
It’s a sad truth that any normal family who keeps a large pile of gold and precious gems in their home is going to attract skeletons. It’s perfectly natural for children to be frightened of skeletons, but they need to understand that skeleton attacks are just a natural part of life. Every skeleton attack can […]
Yes, My Son’s a Cello Prodigy, But His Shit Still Stinks Like the Rest of Us
My son is an incredible cellist. He’s been getting full-ride scholarships from the likes of Julliard, the New England Conservatory, and the Yale School of Music since he was in 6th grade. He’s given private solo performances for 3 presidents, 2 crown princes, and a Duke. He was being showered with roses after playing Bach’s […]
Easy Hand-To-Hand Techniques For Fighting A Doctor Who Wants To Vaccinate Your Child
Everyone enlightened with holistic knowledge knows that doctors are the Hitlers of modern history. While peace is the best policy, there comes a time in every person’s life when they simply must fight back against oppression, and in the war for our children’s safety, there is no price too high. This is why, in the […]
Hobby Farms: Why My Family’s Time Means Nothing to Me
There are a lot of pros and cons to hobby farms. I don’t know what they are. I did little to no research before starting a hobby farm, to the detriment of my relationship with my wife, my relationship with my children, and my relationship with the laws of the land. But since I own […]
Giving Your Child The Advantages Of Your Immense Wealth Without Being A Helicopter Parent
One of the best things about being obscenely loaded is that you can ensure your children also enjoy the benefits of immense wealth, thus perpetuating a rock-solid cycle of compounding privilege that will echo down your bloodline for years to come. However, be wary of becoming not just a helicopter parent but the even more […]
Children’s Party Ideas That’ll Really Make Your Kids Earn Their Keep
Listen, you have to throw at least a few birthday parties for those sticky, squirmy parasites who insist on calling you “Mommy” no matter how many times you tell them your actual name. If you don’t, your mom-friends will start to get resentful of how many cupcakes they’ve forked out in the past, and it’s […]
We Found Out Which Snot-Nosed, Filthy Kid Got Your Child Sick This Week
It was Bryce. It’s always fucking Bryce.
Raising The Antichrist: The Fine Line Between Follower And Father
Today’s generation of parents face a very difficult decision: how do you define your relationship with your child? With the omnipresence of social media, the dangers of the digital age, and changing social norms, there’s more pressure than ever to be more like a “friend” to your children rather than a “guardian.” Besides, if you […]
The Beginner’s Guide to Raising Your Gifted Kombucha
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
You HAVE to Try This Stuffed Chicken Recipe (or They’ll Never Let Me See My Children Again)!
Greetings, Bunny Ears chefs! If you follow this website, you know that we value living a balanced life, and that eating healthy naturally leads to living healthy, and also that I’m a good person who loves his family. I first came across this recipe when I was traveling on business and now I make it […]
Give your children a sex positive Easter
I Inject My Kids With Kindness – NOT VACCINES
In 2016, after my eighth round of IVF, I was finally blessed with my stunning designer triplets, Hayden, Kayden, and Dave. After becoming a mom, I started doing some hard soul-searching. What type of parent did I want to be? I was interested in combining parenting with the holistic, natural, and spiritual philosophies by which […]
Improve Your Child’s Immunity By Coughing In Her Face
Coughing directly in your child’s face is the ecological, non-toxic, and natural way to ensure they grow healthy immune systems.
Common Board Games For Building A Lifelong Rivalry Between Your Kids
Risk doesn’t have to be the only game that tears families apart! With a little manipulating even checkers can have your kiddos start a lifelong rivalry that’ll jumpstart them to greatness!
Life Lessons I Learned From The Feral Children Living In The Woods Behind My Home
As a trendsetter, you grow accustomed to learning new things in surprising places. I wouldn’t be the daring style icon I am today if I weren’t ready to adopt fashion ideas from, say, nature, or unexpected encounters with people below my income bracket, or even the various diverse cultures that my ancestors helped to oppress. […]
Thanks To Free Range Parenting, I Haven’t Seen My Kid In Weeks!
My daughter, Willow, has always been a free spirit. She loves to explore and solve problems on her own. I know every mother thinks their child is brilliant, but when she broke the time record at her Montessori school’s escape room, I knew I had a child who could handle herself. I first heard about […]
Confuse And Terrify Your Children Into Eating Healthy
Try these handy tricks to both terrify and confuse them into submission.
Recipes For Boogers Since That’s The Only Thing My Gross Kids Will Eat
At your wit’s end with your kids eating their boogers instead of your delicious homemade meals?
How To Raise Your Child With Only What Nature Provides
Raising a child is arguably harder than it’s ever been. The modern world contains countless dangers that can stunt a child’s development, from processed foods to television to vaccines. And the cost of finding safe alternatives can add up in a hurry—but don’t despair! We’re here to explain how you can affordably raise your child […]
Holiday Party Idea: Pushing Over Children At The Skating Rink
We need a fun and competitive blood sport that combines hockey with a dash of child abuse.
Six Spring Divorce Court Looks Guaranteed To Give Him Full Custody
If the nanny isn’t watching these kids YOU shouldn’t have to. Check out our divorce court wardrobe advice and make sure HE gets custody.
How To Make Edible Slime In A Desperate Attempt To Connect With Your Kids
If your kid prefers squishing a disgusting substance between their fingers more than interacting with you, then congratulations, this guide is for you.
Cool Shit You Can Buy Instead Of Sending Your Dumb Kids To College!
Have you ever thought about owning a capybara?
It’s Time To Teach Your Children The True Meaning Of No Nut November
It’s about family, faith, and unrelenting blue balls.
How to Tell Your Kids There’s A Baby in Your Tummy—Because You Ate One
It can be hard for them to understand.
How to Decide Which Cat Is Inheriting Your Fortune
You may love your cats equally, but they aren’t all equal when it comes to personal responsibility.
If My Kids Love Me so Much, Why Won’t They Donate to My Patreon?
If My Kids Love Me So Much, Why Won’t They Donate To My Patreon
Cage-Free Children: Right For You?
If you’re raising one of these “cage-free children,” you’re a crappy parent. There, we said it.
I’m Worried My Kids Aren’t Weird Enough For Homeschooling
Will they be able to keep up with all those little creeps, goobers, freak-balls and toenail chewers? I’m just not convinced.
3 School Lunches Your Child’s Bully Will Love
Cut out the middleman and prep for the bully’s palette instead! It’s good to know there’s at least one person likes your cooking.
Apply Early! These Preschools Are So Exclusive They Don’t Allow Children
Or do you hate your children too much help them succeed?
Best Pie To Celebrate The Perfect Math SAT Score You Bought Your Child
Your smart kids deserve a smart treat!
Stick-And-Poke Tats Are The New Face-Painting At Your Kids’ Parties!
Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!
Yes, My Child is a Rescue. It’s The Humane Thing To Do
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
Choosing The Right PR Firm For Your Racist Kids
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
Redirect Your Anxiety Into Your Children To Make Them Stronger
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
Conquer Your Kid’s Fear of the Dark by Criticizing Them All Day
It won’t be long before your child starts to crave the dark. No more crying when you put them to bed!
How To Care For My Emotional Support Dog During My Home Water Birth
Just because it’s a DIY neopagan water birth taking place in a tiny yurt does not mean there are no rules.