In 2016, after my eighth round of IVF, I was finally blessed with my stunning designer triplets, Hayden, Kayden, and Dave. After becoming a mom, I started doing some hard soul-searching. What type of parent did I want to be? I was interested in combining parenting with the holistic, natural, and spiritual philosophies by which I’d always lived. It was after this revelation that I decided I am not going to inject my children with traditional and potentially harmful vaccines. Instead, I will use the natural vaccination: pure liquid kindness.
I was first introduced to kindness vaccination by my yoga instructor, Layden, on a spirituality retreat. It was there, after seven hours of meditation, that I realized kind energy could kill all negativity. That’s why I just thought positively really hard at some unsterilied water and injected it right into the triplets’ meaty little thighs.
Yes, there were thousands of new and completely preventable measles cases in the last five years, and yes, this is attributed to the lack of herd immunity in schools from parents choosing against vaccination. However, my children will be kind enough to tell the measles “My dear measlies, you have overstayed your welcome” and then kindly hold the door for them to exit out of their precious little nervous systems. Problem solved.
I have been persecuted for my beliefs by the medical community. Doctors and medical researchers have commented repeatedly on my strongly worded Instagram posts about my objection to traditional vaccines. However, if their Western medicine was really so effective, why do I still have scars from my face lift? Vaccines may be one way to prevent infections disease, but at what cost? I would rather my kids die of smallpox than have strengths and weakness different than other children. I don’t even want my kids to be gifted in math, let alone have autism or telekinesis or whatever it is those studies say vaccines cause. It’s not like measles is even really a thing. I’ve seen Cher in public more often than measles cases have been reported in the United States.
Besides, as I learned from my naturopath when I asked them to explain why Western medicine is so bad if it seems to work so well, correlation does not equal causation. Many people claim the decline in measles rates are from vaccines, but I believe this sudden drop in infectious diseases came around at the same time Americans started to embrace mindfulness and yoga—which, after all, are just kindness in other forms. I believe this, so you have to believe me. If you really want your children to be safe from harm, offer them not a sword, but a shield. A shield made of kindness.