Writer/Comedienne/Lady King who has written for Reductress, McSweeneys, CollegeHumor, The Belladonnas, and Smosh
Sign Our Petition To Blow Up Mercury So Becky Can’t Talk About Dumb Retrograde Ever Again
Yes, You Can Be Intimate With Someone With Scissor Hands. Here’s How
This is something we’ve thought about. A lot.
Natural Deodorants You Can Technically Eat If It Ever Came Down To That
Your body deserves the best.
Remember These ’90s Nick Shows? Your Much Younger Boyfriend Doesn’t
He was born after most of these gems ended!
Treat Erectile Dysfunction By Dangling “It” Over A Pool Of Hungry Piranhas
Like, VERY hungry.
Macaulay Culkin Forgot The Rat King Was In ‘The Nutcracker’ With Him
“You know, I’m sad, but I’m not surprised,” the Rat King said.
Boost Your Immune System With Ball Pit Immersion Therapy
Build up you defenses in the most disgusting place on earth!
Travel Guide: The Inside Of A JNCO Jeans Leg
These jeans are the ultimate staycation location for those times you want to get away but don’t want to go very far.
A Simple Guide To Wines So You Don’t Look Like A Caveman At Dinner
Avoid humiliation, you giant barbarian.
How to Tell Your Kids There’s A Baby in Your Tummy—Because You Ate One
It can be hard for them to understand.
I Farted Really Loudly Just Now, Um, Because It’s a New Health Thing?
You have to fart otherwise you’ll get sick. Just go with me on this.
Styles Everyone Will Be Wearing When The Dystopian Regime Commands It
This is what Best Leader wants for us.
Deep Breathing Exercises For When Your Home Is Getting Robbed Right Now
Don’t let the stress of a home invasion get to you.
Your Butthole Is A Flower That Needs To Be Tended
Stop treating your A-hole like your B-hole.
The New Macaulay Culkin Video Game Lets You Control Mack in Real Time
It debuted at E3.
It Turns Out Oxygen Is Just A Poison That Takes 80 Years to Kill Us
100% of people who breathe oxygen will die at some point in their life.
The Most Traumatizing Public Sex Maneuvers For Innocent Bystanders
You might never be able to stay at any Marriott-affiliated hotel or resort again. But it’s worth it!
How To Discipline Your Stepson When You Were Both Class Of 2014
Being a stepmom is tough, but it can also be rewarding, like when your stepson begrudgingly says you can ride with him to your five-year high school reunion.
So Your Toddler Just Realized They’re Going To Die Someday
We’re all going to die someday, but dumb toddlers usually don’t figure that out so soon. Whoops.
Ryan Nemeth And Macaulay Culkin Rap On Wrestling, Rip On Ryback
This episode is guaranteed to be a Game of Thrones and End Game spoiler-free zone, because Ryan hasn’t gotten into either of those things.
The Real Nutritional Supplement Was Inside You All Along
But how did I get regular after taking the supplements when I was so constipated before, you ask? Guess what. That was also you. Your poops were stuck inside your colon waiting for you to believe in yourself.
Substitutions For Exotic Ingredients That Are, Ugh, Fine
Sure. Just google what’s in ras el hanout and blend together whatever shit you have in your spice rack.
Ways To Accommodate The Tree Nut Allergy You Chose to Have
If you get halfway through a cookie and find out it has pistachios, you can go ahead and finish it if the cookie is really good.
Macaulay Culkin Sits Down With Allee Willis on the Bunny Ears Podcast
Aaron Sorkin had better take notes, because Allee opens up about the real social network.
Here’s What Happened When I Stopped Saying ‘Sorry,’ Mostly to My Assistant
Pretty soon I stopped saying, “I’m sorry, why is this extra hot latte I asked for undrinkably hot? Are you trying to kill me via Starbucks?” and started saying, “Thank you for burning my tongue and ruining my day, you incompetent shit.”
European Cities That Won’t Stretch Your Comfort Zone As A Whitey
Your vacation won’t be relaxing if you have to scream, “I want water! Water. WATER. WAAAT-ERR!” every time you’re thirsty.
You Can Now Use Face/Off Technology To Explore Your Mommy Issues
I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
The Hottest Mid-Post-Winter-Pre-Spring Trends: 2019 Edition
Think about a heavy coat and also goggles.
I Marked My Husband With My Urine. Here’s Why
It’s not just that I really wanna soak him in my pee.
Mack Nerds Out On Video Games With The Angry Video Game Nerd
Mack nerds out on video games with the Angry Video Game Nerd, and Bunny Ears podcast recurring characters Shawn DePasquale and Stewart Miller.
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
The Most Romantic, Out-Of-The-Way Chain Restaurants for Having Your Affair
Nothing says, “I don’t want to lose you, but I also don’t want to lose my marriage” like vaguely-Asian pot stickers.
I Gave Up Everything To Live In A Tiny House In My Mom’s Basement
It feels good to unplug from society. It’s almost like Walden Pond, because Henry David Thoreau also had his mom nearby to help him out if he ever needed anything, like the password for the wifi.
Help Us Honor These Male Feminists During Women’s History Month
Where would gender equality be if Jacobson didn’t have the strength to write social media posts and that one Medium article? We’d probably lose the right to vote, that’s where!
Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us. But also, you should have known not to take that advice, so that’s on you, too.