Build Your Immune System By Not Washing Your Hands After You Poop

“You don’t wash your hands after you poop?” I hear the astonished question frequently. “But isn’t that unsanitary?” We’re raised to believe that the first thing you should do after you go to the bathroom is wash your hands. We’re even indoctrinated with signs in restrooms telling us it’s “the law”—as if the bathroom police are going to break in and shake you down for skipping a post-poop rinse.

But the fact of the matter is, not washing your hands after you poop is actually good for you, and that’s something they don’t want you to know.

It Builds Your Immune System

The best way to make yourself healthy is by making yourself sick. Not washing your hands after you poop exposes you to germs, which builds your tolerance to fecally-transmitted diseases. Yes, you’ll shit your guts out at first, but eventually, you’ll get used to it and even enjoy it. You’re witnessing the circle of life in action. The bacteria that made you sick because you don’t wash your hands will be reintroduced back into your system because you don’t wash your hands. It just makes sense.

You’ll Get Used to the Typhoid

They say that typhoid fever went away because of the introduction of modern sanitation practices. But I say it went away despite the uptick in post-poop hand washing, and in this brave new world, things become true as soon as you say them. Since I’ve given up removing nature’s fertilizer from my hands after I bathroom, I’ve had typhus multiple times, and honestly, it’s fine once the fever breaks. You can only get typhoid so many times before you finally don’t get it anymore. It’s the law of averages or something.

You’re Helping Other People Get Healthier, Too

I can’t count how many times I’ve shook the hand of a new acquaintance only to have them recoil in disgust once they realize there’s feces on me. But by sharing my poop germs with them, I’m actually helping their immune system, too. Would you curse someone who’s giving your body medicine when you’re sick? No? Then stop screaming at me when I noticeably get my poop all over your hands.

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