Teaching Your Kids That Goofy Loves To Fuck
It’s a conversation every parent should have with their child.
Consuming Activated Cashews Is Like Getting Railed By Mr. Peanut And We Can’t Recommend It Enough
These delicious, healthful activated cashews are so godammned good you’ll literally feel like you’re getting pounded by Mr. Peanut.
This Cannabis Yoga Class Will Get You So High You’ll Forget You’re Doing Yoga
Now that cannabis is legal in nine of the chillest states in the U.S., a few select gyms are offering cannabis yoga classes. Studies conducted at Dr. Big Dawg’s Dope Research Institute show that getting super high and doing yoga rules. We’re not going to take science’s word for it, though. I went out into […]
Turn Your Art Film Life Into A Hollywood Blockbuster!
Creative types, listen up: It might be nice doing what your heart desires, but you’ll never make any money that way. Do you really think you’re going to be able to find success with your emotional, patient lifestyle when there are so many other lifestyles willing to please everyone else in your life? It’s about […]
The Bunny Ears Guide to Living Out of Your Luxury Car
I’ve been to the bottom, man. Last night was the fourth straight evening I spent catching z’s in my vehicle. Granted, it’s happened to the best of us, especially us common folk who refuse handouts and breadcrumbs from the 1%. But it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’ve […]
A Shopping Guide to the Cupertino Square Mall
Hey Shopaholics! I’ve just gotten back from scoping out the Cupertino Square Mall in sunny Cupertino, CA, and I’ve got some great tips for you. The Cupertino Square Mall opened in 1976, it’s three stories, and has enough space to house almost 200 retail stores. Here’s a shopping guide for any shoppers looking for a […]
I Made A Raccoon My Life Coach And I’ve Never Been Happier
Rummage through the trash of life and find your true self!
Life Lessons I Learned From The Feral Children Living In The Woods Behind My Home
As a trendsetter, you grow accustomed to learning new things in surprising places. I wouldn’t be the daring style icon I am today if I weren’t ready to adopt fashion ideas from, say, nature, or unexpected encounters with people below my income bracket, or even the various diverse cultures that my ancestors helped to oppress. […]
Recipes For Boogers Since That’s The Only Thing My Gross Kids Will Eat
At your wit’s end with your kids eating their boogers instead of your delicious homemade meals?
Grow Your Pubes Now For This Year’s Coziest Winter Blanket—Here’s How
Use your pubes as nature intended!
Mother’s Day Gift Ideas For People You’ve Accidentally Called ‘Mom’
Mother’s Day shouldn’t just be about the woman who actually gave birth to you. What’s wrong with honoring all the people you accidentally called “Mom?”
Summer Staples We Don’t Recommend You Stick Up Your Butt (This Time)
We’re saying ‘yes’ to summer and ‘no more’ to your lawsuits!
I No Longer Believe In Cage-Free Zoos Now That My Family Is Dead
The hyena ambush really sealed the deal.
Way Too Formal Breakfasts For After Casual Sex
I have always considered myself a sex-positive woman. I have needs, and I’m not afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t treat my (extremely casual, no strings-attached) partner, Liam, with dignity and kindness. We might not be a couple (which again, I’m 100% okay with), but I don’t ever want him to […]
Fun First Date Conversations That Are Exclusively Die Hard Quotes
Whip out these Die Hard quotes on your first date and you are sure to be as cool as Mr. McClane himself.
How To Talk About The Books You Only Bought Because They’re Pretty
Use words like ‘imagery’ and ‘prose.’
My Morning Routine: I Lick Everything In The House So It Stays Mine
When you grow up in a house with seven brothers, you learn certain habits that last a lifetime.
Become An Organizational Wizard By Asking Actual Wizards For Help
They mostly told us to optimize vertical space?
Serene Bottomless Pits To Visit This Summer
You’ll want to stare into these bottomless, lonely cavities for the rest of your life.
Tackle Little Tasks So You Can Focus On The Big, Haunting Problems
Like, “What am I even doing with my life?”
Chrissy Teigen Is The Anti-Gwyneth, So I Guess We Have To Eat Her
How else shall we absorb her powers?
Finding the Perfect Vape Flavor To Pair With Your Glaring Personality Flaws
Looking to start vaping? Our team of experts will guide you into finding a flavor that nicely complements your inability to grow up.