Tag Archives: lifestyle

Like maybe some plants? Who gives a shit.

Hey Shopaholics! I’ve just gotten back from scoping out the Cupertino Square Mall in sunny Cupertino, CA, and I’ve got some great tips for you. The Cupertino Square Mall opened in 1976, it’s three stories, and has enough space to house almost 200 retail stores. Here’s a shopping guide for any shoppers looking for a […]

Utterly alone.

Welcome to the future.

Rummage through the trash of life and find your true self!

Finally!

As a trendsetter, you grow accustomed to learning new things in surprising places. I wouldn’t be the daring style icon I am today if I weren’t ready to adopt fashion ideas from, say, nature, or unexpected encounters with people below my income bracket, or even the various diverse cultures that my ancestors helped to oppress. […]

His blood is magic.

We can help.

At your wit’s end with your kids eating their boogers instead of your delicious homemade meals?

Finally!

Use your pubes as nature intended!

Mother’s Day shouldn’t just be about the woman who actually gave birth to you. What’s wrong with honoring all the people you accidentally called “Mom?”

We see you.

We’re saying ‘yes’ to summer and ‘no more’ to your lawsuits!

It sounds so real.

The hyena ambush really sealed the deal.

I have always considered myself a sex-positive woman. I have needs, and I’m not afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t treat my (extremely casual, no strings-attached) partner, Liam, with dignity and kindness. We might not be a couple (which again, I’m 100% okay with), but I don’t ever want him to […]

And that’s the only reason.

Have fun, we guess?

Whip out these Die Hard quotes on your first date and you are sure to be as cool as Mr. McClane himself.

We guarantee love handles by Halloween.

Guess who just got back today?

Use words like ‘imagery’ and ‘prose.’

When you grow up in a house with seven brothers, you learn certain habits that last a lifetime.

They mostly told us to optimize vertical space?

From fruit rinds to vacuum packing!

You’ll want to stare into these bottomless, lonely cavities for the rest of your life.

I can afford them. But I am charming and special and I refuse.

Stop treating your A-hole like your B-hole.

Like, “What am I even doing with my life?”

How else shall we absorb her powers?

Looking to start vaping? Our team of experts will guide you into finding a flavor that nicely complements your inability to grow up.

We’ve got the ‘sticking stuff up your butt’ beat covered, thanks.

Don’t let the stress of a home invasion get to you.

Is it coming from the furniture? The vents?

Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?

Bleaching your butthole is out. Bleaching then TIE-DYING your butthole is very in.

Nothing says ‘sorry’ like a ribbon dance!

You’ll be joyless, but beautiful!

We investigated.

No one could make it quite like Nana.

I honestly don’t see the problem.

Interoffice politics need not be complicated.

It goes with literally everything—especially your tears.