Brian Gilmore has spent the last 15 years as part of the witness protection program and figures it's about time. The crooks are all probably not mad anymore. So now he's publicly writing for websites again. Fingers crossed!
Does Your Hair Hurt? Not Your Scalp, But Your Hair? What Did I Do?
Oh God. Is this normal?
Macaulay Culkin Now: News, Videos, You Name It
Good luck, other websites. We’re planting our flag in this search result.
My Secret Fetish: Those Gummy Sharks With The Soft, White Bellies
This is the story of my intense gummy shark fetish.
Karaoke Songs With Long Instrumental Breaks Everyone Will Love
You’re probably used to singing the worst karaoke songs ever. If you’re one of those people who love singing songs that end too quickly, this is for you.
My Charming, Brilliant Leash Kid Should Be Able to Shit in Your Dog Park
My leash kid is on a leash. The dogs are on leashes. I don’t see the problem?
Vape in Style at Grandma’s Funeral Because Your Family Hates You Anyway
Vape in style at your grandma’s funeral with these perfect, stylish rigs.
All Of The Ways Your Pet Hedgehog Has A Far Better Life Than You Ever Will
Sadly, you will never be able to experience the sheer, shit-eating bliss of being somebody’s beloved pet hedgehog. What an existence.
How I Used The Hinge App To Find The Smartest, Most Successful Exes
Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever.
I Keep Accidentally Going To Spin Classes That Turn Out To Be Cleverly Named Laundromats
I ended up leaving after they finished playing “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)” by Dead Or Alive for the sixth time. Is this all they play at this place, like, constantly on loop?
This Blizzard Has Killed Dozens, But No One Can See My Mouth Pimple
I can feel it when I’m eating.
7 Lavish 4/20 Vacation Destinations Between Your Couch And Kitchen
Where are you going to go for Weed Christmas? Are you staying home? If so, here are the best spots for that perfect 4/20 vacation in your drab apartment.
We Tried Amazon’s Text App And Only Got Pics Of Jeff Bezos’s Bald Penis
All this app does is send you a vast collection of Jeff Bezos’s dick pics, and I am not here for it.
Um, I Got A Vampire Facial, But Bullets Still Seem To Hurt Me?
Is this why people aren’t doing this anymore? I know Kim Kardashian and some other people got them, but this doesn’t feel right. The procedure itself was fairly painless, but the rest really makes me think that maybe it’s- [Editors Note: Brian Gilmore was not available to finish this article because he is currently under […]
I Got An EXCLUSIVE Look Inside This Stupid LA-Based Denim Factory And Here’s How They Make Their Stupid Jeans
IMAGE: Carmar Denim
I Live In Constant, Unrelenting Fear Of Whatever Justin Timberlake Has Planned For May
12 Easy Steps You Can Take To Successfully Die Alone
Listen, technically, we’re all going to die alone. If you’re asking “Am I going to die alone?” The answer is unequivocally: yes. And some of us want to lead that less-popular, but “equally fulfilling” alternative lifestyle: that of the intentionally-single. “But I don’t know how to die alone…” Not to worry! Bunny Ears supports every […]