I Keep Accidentally Going To Spin Classes That Turn Out To Be Cleverly Named Laundromats
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. This is so stupid. If you’re reading this, please help me out in the comments, or hit me up on Twitter. I need to find a spin class that isn’t a laundromat.
I knew I’d heard the name somewhere before. As it turns out, this is apparently the brand of all the washing machines in every laundromat I’ve ever been to. In hindsight, I feel pretty dumb, especially given all the (literal) signs. When I walked in, there was a sign that said “We Are Not Responsible For Loss Or Damage To Clothes,” and at first, I had no idea why they had this sign in a spin class. “Maybe people’s clothes get caught in the pedals, in which case, it’s pretty cool that they’re covering their bases,” I thought. But as soon as I saw two seemingly unsupervised kids violently pretending to play the Street Fighter II arcade cabinet next to the door, which had none of the fighting moves properly labeled, I knew I was in the wrong place.
“Okay, maybe this is the ‘original’ spin class,” I thought. “Great! I love being a purist about my new hobbies!” This is not at all what this was. The best way to describe this place is “an S&M club where people also fold fitted sheets.” After exploring every room to make sure I wasn’t missing the one where they teach the classes, I deduced that I was at the wrong place again. Also, the smell of the used leather couture caking the walls eventually became overwhelming.
Clearly a pun on Michael Jordan, this place honestly did put a lot of work into their operation. All the dryers’ “air” setting was just an Air Jordan logo. That’s really clever, and I fully appreciate this level of attention to detail, but this was not the spin class I was looking for.
Spin & Juice
I love Snoop Dogg, so I thought this place would be the perfect fit. “Maybe they have a juice bar!” I thought. No. No juice bar. No classes. Just a bunch of Speed Queens and a man (the owner?) taking a nap on one of the folding stations.
This place looks like it used to be a smoke shop, or maybe a factory or something, but the abandoned Speed Queen machines tell me otherwise.
World’s Largest Laundromat
This one’s on me.
This has to be it, right? This is the most well-known chain of spinning classes. The entire world wouldn’t perpetuate an elaborate ruse just to trick me once again into showing up at a laundromat, would they? Just to be safe, I brought my laundry. At this point, I’ve started bringing my laundry everywhere I go. They’re not going to waste my time again. I went in fully prepared for every contingency, but apparently, the location near me had just closed down.
I was so close.