Vape in Style at Grandma’s Funeral Because Your Family Hates You Anyway
You’re not at your grandmother’s funeral to support your family and celebrate old Grandma Pam’s life. You’re there for the tight, slow-mo vids and mind-bending boomerangs of the sick nose clouds you’re about to blow. But which of your stylish vapes will you bring? Your PAX Era doesn’t “pax” the punch you need, your Heavy Hitters is too nice (you wouldn’t want to lose it while you’re consoling your mom about having to settle for cremation for financial reasons), and your Plug and Play doesn’t go with what you’re planning on wearing, but don’t be discouraged for any reason. Here are easy ways to vape in style at your grandma’s funeral (no mods).
Match The Casket
Most caskets are either an elegant mahogany or a somber black finish, and luckily, Bloom Farms makes a rose gold starter kit that has a beautiful design on the battery that will perfectly complement any shade of wood and contrast effortlessly with any black. That’s right, she’ll be buried in style while you vape in style. Right on, man.
Blow Clouds In Front Of Crying Guests To Preserve Their Modesty
While your family is grieving openly in each other’s arms, the best thing you can do to help is make it look like they had themselves together through the whole thing by fanning giant, white, fluffy clouds in front of anyone crying. Cover their faces right up. Do it as much as you can. Also do this if anyone tries to take any photos to commemorate the occasion, because you don’t need any pictures of people looking all sad. It’ll take massive, epic cumulus clouds, so you’ll have to bring a 24K with a built-in .6-gram holding chamber. Puff out that fog to let people know you’re there, even as you realize that none of them are really even talking to you, but you can somehow tell that they’re talking about you.
Send Her Off To The Clouds With Some Clouds
So you just learned that everyone in your immediate family has planned to scatter her ashes without you and that they didn’t even talk about not inviting you because they all just assumed you wouldn’t come, and you have one question: What kind of life-altering vape does this call for? The answer is a highly customizable Source Orb 4 Vaporizer, whose gold, space grey, and chrome options make coordination easy. (Bunny Ears Exclusive Tip: Space grey fits the somber mood of the place while still giving you a wax option.) This way, you can send your grandma off to the clouds with some actual tickly, nose-burning, flavorful clouds.
It’s okay that they’re each paying for an expensive trip to ceremonially scatter her ashes in her hometown in Maine as a family, because you don’t even deal with ashes anymore. The only thing you deal these days is a monster forecast with a 110% chance of precipitation.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…