Quiz: Can You Finish Jerking Off In This Airplane Bathroom Before It Crashes Into The Ocean?
How good are you at compartmentalizing?
I Shot The Dog In ‘Duck Hunt’ And It Really Messed Me Up
Your cousin lied when he said he shot the dog in Duck Hunt. Because if he had, he’d be scarred for life.
It Turns Out Oxygen Is Just A Poison That Takes 80 Years to Kill Us
100% of people who breathe oxygen will die at some point in their life.
The Bad Dudes Are Really Good Dudes, And They’re My Uncles
I don’t know why everybody called my uncles “Bad Dudes,” because they were good dudes. More than good. Probably the best people I’ll ever know.
Exclusive: A Rebuttal from Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
Nearly 30 years later, the subject of the Spin Doctors’ memorable hit gives HER side of the story.
My New Dog Is Adorable, Fits in My Purse, and Commands Me to Kill
You won’t believe who my new dog will want to see cleansed in Holy Blood. Celebrities? Politicians? You? Also I bought her the most adorable new dress.
Vape in Style at Grandma’s Funeral Because Your Family Hates You Anyway
Vape in style at your grandma’s funeral with these perfect, stylish rigs.
We’ve Discovered an All-Natural Vaping Alternative Called ‘Tobacco’
This amazing new tobacco plant is all-natural and therefore must be healthy. Right?
If You Ate Those Charcoal Ice Cream Cones You Now Have 24 Hours to Live
We were first to tell you to try charcoal ice cream cones, so let us also be the first to add some unfortunate news!
Build Strong Relationships With Your Coworkers By Predicting Their Deaths
Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
A Guide To Detoxing Your Red Dead Online Character
More than 150 million Americans play video games, many online. And from what we’ve heard, online gaming is apparently one of the most toxic environments around.
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
How To Kimchi That Body In Your Backyard
Love kimchi? Need to dispose of a body? Well you’re in luck!
The Best Life Insurance For Your Soon-To-Be-Dead Husband
Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?
Ways To Find Love Before You Die Tragically On Valentine’s Day
If you gotta go, you gotta go mourned eternally by someone who found true love just to have it slip through their fingers by the cruelty of fate (and that double-decker bus.)
I Connected With My Deceased Father By Touching His Thermostat
He’s not a crime solving ghost, or a prophetic warning ghost. He’s just a cheap ghost.
It’s Never Too Late To Start Planning Your Parents’ Funerals
Yes, even seventeen months after they died in that tragic safari giraffe stampede accident.
Simple Tricks To Make Their Funeral All About You
When someone you care about dies, it’s vital to keep the focus on what really matters: YOU!
These New Twists On Hot Cocoa Might Literally Save Your Life
Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]
I Went to The General To Save Some Time, Why Didn’t He Save My Dad in ‘nam?
He was known as The Captain back then.
What Your Favorite Color Says About The Day You’ll Die
Your favorite color reveals both your preferences for physical and spiritual connections, but also some pretty graphic details about how you’ll snuff it.
Our Annual Fall Foliage Guide Has Been Discontinued Because Our Intern Got Lost in the Woods and Died
As many of you know, every year, we here at Bunny Ears bring you a detailed guide to all things autumn. Normally, our interactive autumnal map allows you to search B&Bs in the area by size, style, and quaint charm, while our color wheel breaks down every leaf shade permutation possible by region and time […]
All The Best Places To Visit Before You Die Next Week
In Ancient Greece, it was known that the true hero is one who journeys to die without hesitation, but with strength and purpose. Which is why it’s actually super good news that you’re dying next week! You’ve got seven whole days to imbue your life with strength and purpose, and gain the little “hero” badge […]
bunnyglow: The Radioactive Drink That Makes You Radiant
Here at Bunny Ears, we know that keeping up the required skin care routine is a real time investment. By law, the time we spend cleansing, toning, moisturizing, massaging, milking, praying, ritual dancing, and on and on can feel like such a waste. We’d much rather spend that time growing our careers and spending time […]
Help! My Timed Meditation App Just Keeps Foretelling My Death!
I’ve been wanting to incorporate healthier, more productive habits into my life for ages, but somehow, I just couldn’t take the leap. Take meditation. Who has time for it? How do you know when to stop? How do you keep heavily distorted ’80s sitcom themes with the lyrics replaced by a demon chorus singing blasphemous […]
I Solved All My Problems By Avoiding Them On The Pacific Crest Trail
Recently, I hit rock bottom. I think it all started as a child when my parents divorced, and it amplified in my adult years when my mother died. I know these are things most people “work through” at some point in their lives, but I don’t believe in therapy and no amount of crystals were […]
Bunny Ears Staff Advice Column: EMOTIONS
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the second ever Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now … ] [EDITOR’S NOTE – PART TWO: We added an Amazon Affiliate link to this article. That means if you click […]
Color Of The Month: Asphyxiation
Kink shaming is a thing of the past; now, it’s all about body positivity and living your best life. You do you, figuratively or literally. It doesn’t really matter. Life is short, and we are all going to die. Our color of the month, asphyxiation, is a trendy way to showcase your hidden desires to […]
Snackchat: Eat Healthier By Talking Food Into Being Less Fatty
Unhealthy food understands it’s our prey, so it releases toxic sugars and fats into our bodies as a self-defense mechanism when we eat. But it doesn’t have to be this way. For so long, diets have unfairly disparaged unhealthy food without taking a second to consider whether our cakes and fries would harm us if […]
My Doctor Told Me I Have A Week To Live And This Is How Crazy I’m Going To Spend It
If you look up the definition of “wallflower” in the dictionary, my picture should be next to it, provided it’s some kind of picture book dictionary. I hate confrontation and avoid it at all cost. My parents thought I was intellectually disabled because I didn’t speak until I was five years old. I’m not stupid; […]
Horoscopes with a Horror Twist
Welcome to your monthly horoscope! Let this help guide you through the coming weeks in both your decisions and intentions. The sun is in Aquarius until the end of the month, which brings an abundance of protective energy — use it to your advantage! We’re serious. Aries: The Aries moon is in Libra, meaning there’s […]
The Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich Recipe
When I was a boy, I lived on a farm. Farm life was tough, but you quickly learned the ways of the world. I remember my grandfather took me to one of the pens, I must have been about 5 or 6, and he showed me one of the sick mares. He explained how he […]
12 Easy Steps You Can Take To Successfully Die Alone
Listen, technically, we’re all going to die alone. If you’re asking “Am I going to die alone?” The answer is unequivocally: yes. And some of us want to lead that less-popular, but “equally fulfilling” alternative lifestyle: that of the intentionally-single. “But I don’t know how to die alone…” Not to worry! Bunny Ears supports every […]