We’ve Discovered an All-Natural Vaping Alternative Called ‘Tobacco’
We hear at Bunny Ears love to vape. We’re practically surgically attached to our rigs, which fill the office with a constant cloud of fruit-flavored goodness. It’s almost an addiction. Lately, though, we’ve been getting concerned about all the chemicals we’re inhaling every waking second of the day. Studies say maybe they’re bad? Or only bad in certain concentrations? Or maybe only bad if they’re heated too high? Nobody really knows, and we hate not knowing things. We also hate science. The uncertainty troubled us, but of course, not enough to get us to stop. Good thing we discovered this all-natural vaping alternative!
A Burning Desire
Recently, however, I was at my local gas station to scoff loudly at their poor selection of organic produce, as I do daily, when I noticed an array of fun-colored packages behind the counter and stopped being an asshole long enough to ask the cashier what they were. “They’re cigarettes,” he told me. “Cig-ar-ettes?” I asked. “Yeah? You know, tobacco rolled up in paper tubes, often attached to fiberglass filters? For … for smoking?”
“Tobacco”?? That’s my favorite vape flavor! I realized I didn’t actually know what it was and pulled out my phone on the spot to do some extremely cursory research, which informed me that it’s just a plant! Just like weed! Without scrolling down any further, I immediately bought one of every kind they had and brought them back to the office to test them out. We were instantly hooked.
The Killer You Know
Tobacco offers so many advantages over vaping! It comes in a variety of flavors and strengths, just like vape juice. Most of my colleagues seem to prefer menthols because it tastes the most like the candy-flavored nicotine they’re used to. I’m partial to the strongest non-filters I can get. Those ones really get you fucked up. Because it’s just a plant, there are no questionable chemicals to worry about it, and there’s no ambiguity about the health risks. We know these will kill us. It says so right on the package, which we only noticed after we collectively smoked 47 cartons. It’s a real load off our minds.
If you’re looking for a natural vaping alternative, we absolutely cannot recommend tobacco for legal reasons, but … you know. All the cool kids are doing it.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…