What Bunny Ears Writers Are Wishing For This Valentine’s Day

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, yet we keep getting the same store-bought flowers and crappy candy over and over again. To do our part to help you floundering saps, we asked the Bunny Ears team what they’ve always wanted from their Valentine. Pay attention! Chances are that your special someone will want one of these romantic gifts, too. [/vc_column_text][vc_text_separator title=”Luis Prada”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”2/3″][vc_single_image image=”17806″ img_size=”full”][vc_column_text]

The ComPAPion Mask, The CPAP Mask For Couples, $2,499

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/3″][vc_column_text]“My wife and I both have sleep apnea, so we’ve been eyeing this mask that reduces the risk of sudden stroke but maintains our intimacy in the bedroom. Two people, one CPAP mask. Face to face. We’ll drift off to sleep staring into each other’s eyes as our lungs are machine-pumped with air so we don’t choke on our own throat meat in our sleep. I can’t think of anything more romantic than that.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][vc_column][vc_text_separator title=”Hana Michels”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]1. Butt glitter. I’ll know if it’s regular glitter, so don’t try it. I need butt glitter.

2. Love that is real and not based on the other person’s perception of a “cool girl” based on semi-independent movies.

3. Butt sequins. I’ll know if they’re regular sequins.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19065″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

Kamikaze Beauty Butt Glitter, $840

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_text_separator title=”Natasha King”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19363″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

Renaming the hissing cockroach, a nine-figure donation to the Smithsonian

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]”Rename the hissing cockroach after me. Maybe the weak at heart are satisfied with domesticity and sweet nothings, but true love is about establishing a dynasty in my name. These cockroaches are going to outlast any diamond, every impending apocalypse, probably all sappy poetry, and certainly your stupid mortal affections. This is how I live forever.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_text_separator title=”Lydia Bugg”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”2/3″][vc_single_image image=”19038″ img_size=”full”][vc_column_text]

Sensations’s Couple’s Cleaning Retreat In Antigua, $5,999

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/3″][vc_column_text]“What I’m hoping for this Valentines day is a couples’ class in something new and exotic that my husband and I have never done before. You know, like laundry or vacuuming. Do they teaches classes on how to use a Swiffer? It always looks like my maid is having so much fun with it.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner][vc_text_separator title=”Zanandi Botes”][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]“Last year, my husband and I bought a private island off the coast of Belize.  It gets lonely, though, so after reading about that Sentinelese tribe in India, I asked hubby to please buy me an indigenous tribe for Valentine’s Day.  I’m expecting his call from somewhere in Central America any day now. Excited!”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19067″ img_size=”full”][vc_column_text]

Dream Makers’s Owning People Package, $11,350 per day

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text][/vc_column_text][vc_text_separator title=”Brian Steele”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19148″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

The experience of owning a boat, $3.5 million per year

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]“I always say ‘Give the gift of experience’ because possessions weigh you down, but experiences lift you up. That’s why I’d love the experience of someone buying me a boat. Going into the office and seeing them hand over a large check. The salesman winking at me like we got away with something. I’d love to be handed the keys and then see my boat transported down to the dock, where we’d break a bottle of champagne and then hit the water, motoring past all the assholes who claimed I was never smart enough or good enough to buy a boat.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_text_separator title=”Danny Gerdude”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]“A horse, ah, but not just any horse. As a boy, I befriended a wild stallion that I dubbed Ulysses after a book that I never bothered to read. I stalked Ulysses by night, using only the Moon to light my way. I don’t use the term “bonded” lightly or correctly, but we became one being over those many nights alone in the woods, me taking on the equine qualities of speed, agility, and endurance, and Ulysses adopting my penchant for correcting people’s vocabulary. He disappeared one night behind a Wal-Mart next to my condo, but I never forgot him, and I carry his spirit within me still. So, someone get me that horse.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19119″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

Ulysses The Horse, $?

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_text_separator title=”Carolyn Burke”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19071″ img_size=”full”][vc_column_text]

Creativity Doula, $1,250 with sarcasm, $1,850 without

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]”I’m looking for a private creativity doula. Sometimes, I get the urge to write at 2:00 A.M., and I’ll need her to be there to see my ideas through from gestation to birth, so she needs to be willing to make house calls at any and all hours of the night. Foot massage and panini skills are a plus.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_text_separator title=”Craig the Intern”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]“I’d love a key to the office so I could leave on the weekends. I even looked up a place that can make one if someone would let me out long enough to pop over there.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19139″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

Copy a key, $1.50

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_text_separator title=”Macaulay Culkin”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]“Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Surprise.

Surprise who?

Surprise vagina.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”19254″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

Vagina, priceless

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Images: Pexels, Pexels, Pexels, Pexels, Pixabay, Pexels, Pexels, Pexels, Pixabay, Pexels, Pexels, Pexels, Pexes, Pexels[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]