What’s Sex With A Man Like? Our Writers Want To Know
We’ve heard about it in rap songs and on pamphlets, and we know it must at least be as great as McDonald’s because those are the two things they miss most on Orange Is the New Black. But what’s it really like?
Time To Send Your Kids To Summer Camp, But Which Cult Should You Choose?
Summer is the perfect time for your children to engage in holistic learning. However, this can be hard to accomplish at home, especially when you have plans to attend a tropical resort clinic to learn mindful breathing while on a Mai Tai cleanse. So to ensure that your Precious Little Ones get the most out […]
Best Practices: How to Care For Your Servants
Let’s face it – it’s not easy to live adjacent to wealth and status. That’s why it’s important to take the time to make your servants feel appreciated. Now before you spit out your mimosa and have FedEx send a printed copy of this article to your home via bike messenger so that you can […]
4 Steamy Sex Tips for Spicing Up the Bedroom
Are you and your partner missing that spark? Has the once fiery passion that burned between you like a throbbing Adonis somehow dulled into the cool flaccidity of Meatloaf’s neck flap? Even if you were forced to bring great shame to your house by answering “yes” to the previous questions, don’t despair! There is hope […]
All The Reasons Why I’m Ready For Kids At The Age Of 23
I’m really good with kids because I understand them. Check out any kid and they’re most likely falling over, talking to themselves, or making crazy shit up. They’re basically me, mini-sized. So now that I’m an adult, and have spent 23 years without ‘em, I’m ready to get knocked up and pop out a few […]
I Empathize With Women Who Experience Ovipositor Pain Or Whatever
I think the single most frustrating part of being a woman must be when men don’t take you seriously. As I was explaining to my sister the other day, this problem springs from a refusal to listen to and understand women’s issues. But as a strong male ally, I always completely get what women are […]
You Can Have My Safe Word BUT FIRST LET’S DISCUSS CASPER MATTRESS
This is a story of a sweet, innocent young woman letting go, embracing her kinky side, and learning to reconcile those two facets of her personality. I was a sexually inexperienced grad student when I first met “Dan,” an interior designer whose taste in decor was pretty standard, but whose sexual proclivities were anything but […]
How To Tell Your Girlfriend You’re Just A Bunch of Cats
Hi! I’m Daniel O’Brien, author, friend, and retired rollerblader. I’ve never claimed to have all the answers and I didn’t start out writing because I wanted or expected to get into the advice business. But I’m a public-facing person who is both happy and successful and can generally navigate most situations with some degree of […]
Which Christmas Tree Is Right For Your Empty, Loveless Apartment?
Deck the halls with a perfect Christmas tree, you absolutely miserable bastard.
How To Make Edible Slime In A Desperate Attempt To Connect With Your Kids
If your kid prefers squishing a disgusting substance between their fingers more than interacting with you, then congratulations, this guide is for you.
Sex Positions That Will Shock The Ghost Of That Victorian Prude
The spirit of Desdemona Turnerwood thinks you’re “vile, truly vile!”
Where Are They Now? The Relationships Of ‘Clueless’
Bunny Ears got to sit down with the relationships of Clueless to see how they’re doing now.
Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us. But also, you should have known not to take that advice, so that’s on you, too.
Stop Saying I Have Daddy Issues Just Because I Call Them My Dead Gary Issues
I’d like to send a message to all the men I’ve dated, am currently dating, and who moved out of state after I emotionally ruined them. That message is: One cannot have “daddy issues” when they have no daddy physically present on this planet to give provide them with said issues. When I bring up my […]
It’s Me, The Guy At This Party Who Will Definitely Try To Crack Your Back!
I know you’re just minding your own business, and as a grown up, you probably don’t want to be lifted off the ground. But let me crack your back. Please.
Signs Your Time-Traveling Husband Has A Second Family In 1886
It’s never a positive sign if your husband is suddenly snapped back to 2019 without any clothes on and a slightly sweaty sheen to him.
I’m Only Taking Parenting Advice From Killer Whales From Now On
Killer whales have dominated the mommy game lately, which is why I’m now only communicating with my children with squeaking and nose bumps.
Spice Up Your Open Relationship By Competing To Screw The Most Neighbors!
Modern love is a strange, exhausting experience.
My Charming, Brilliant Leash Kid Should Be Able to Shit in Your Dog Park
My leash kid is on a leash. The dogs are on leashes. I don’t see the problem?
What Bathroom Stall You Use Based On Your Myers-Brigg Personality Type
We dove deep to find out exactly where you should be pooping. You’re welcome!
How I Used The Hinge App To Find The Smartest, Most Successful Exes
Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever.
Build Strong Relationships With Your Coworkers By Predicting Their Deaths
Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.
A Day In The Life: 18 Hours With Rami Malek (Before He Escaped)
We followed Rami Malek around to see what he gets up to, and then kidnapped him!
Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
The Most Obnoxious Ways To Come Out As Sapiosexual
Some self-described Sapiosexuals are pansexual and pretentious, but others are just pretentious. You’re smart, you fuck smart, and everyone should know it.
What’s Up With French Penises? An Exclusive Bunny Ears Investigation
We bought ourselves some gold-studded berets and launched a full-scale investigation. Yes, we were going to discover the true form of the French penis.
Apply Early! These Preschools Are So Exclusive They Don’t Allow Children
Or do you hate your children too much help them succeed?
Teaching Your Kids That Goofy Loves To Fuck
It’s a conversation every parent should have with their child.
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
Find A Therapist That Won’t Disagree With You
You aren’t paying all that money for someone to tell you you are wrong!
Stick-And-Poke Tats Are The New Face-Painting At Your Kids’ Parties!
Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!
Ways To Cope When You Discover Your S.O. Has A Job, Not A Trust Fund
That’s right—working isn’t just for poor people.
Stop Testing Makeup On Animals, Because They Keep Seducing My Father
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.