My leash kid is on a leash. The dogs are on leashes. I don’t see the problem?
We dove deep to find out exactly where you should be pooping. You’re welcome!
Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever.
Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.
We followed Rami Malek around to see what he gets up to, and then kidnapped him!
Your move, Edwina.
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
Some self-described Sapiosexuals are pansexual and pretentious, but others are just pretentious. You’re smart, you fuck smart, and everyone should know it.
A few easy tricks to help soften the blow.
Don’t be a dick about it
We bought ourselves some gold-studded berets and launched a full-scale investigation. Yes, we were going to discover the true form of the French penis.
Or do you hate your children too much help them succeed?
It’s a conversation every parent should have with their child.
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
Talk about your dumb luck.
You aren’t paying all that money for someone to tell you you are wrong!
Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!
That’s right—working isn’t just for poor people.
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.
Boy do these sting!
I am not here for it.
Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?
The neighbors were admittedly displeased.
I can’t help but wonder: when will it be my turn? When will I get to delicately balance myself on four posts above some woman as she marries the man of her dreams?
What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
It’s so weird that most of us were scandalized when Prince William and Princess Kate decided to take on a third party into their marriage.
Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.
We asked our very own Bunny Ears team what they’ve always wanted from their Valentine. Pay attention! Chances are your special someone will want one of these romantic gifts too.
No need to thank us.
If you gotta go, you gotta go mourned eternally by someone who found true love just to have it slip through their fingers by the cruelty of fate (and that double-decker bus.)
And wind chimes!
Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
Now the little green owl will guilt you into learning the language of the lowly and the downtrodden!
I couldn’t be more thrilled.
Glaring at strangers is the newest most innovative way to cut out time wasted on your phone.
Seriously just fucking take them.
I will not let my beautiful border collie suffer alone!
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
Get that guy fired—your way.
Yes, even seventeen months after they died in that tragic safari giraffe stampede accident.
No one else feels lonely. Ever. It’s just you, the person reading this piece right now.
