Cut Down On Screen Time by Mad Dogging Strangers!
Life is too short! Don’t spend all your time staring blankly at your phone screen when you could be spending it staring blankly at strangers. Yes! Glaring angrily at strangers is the newest most innovative way to cut out time wasted on your phone. Why seclude yourself while you are out in public, when you could include others. Intimidate strangers with a single but very lingering look and you will be shocked at the connection you make. Why, you ask? Because you deserve to relate with others, be present and show the world who top fucking dog is.
When you find yourself absentmindedly reaching for that little addictive square in your pocket—stop and think: what will I gain? Time with others? No. Will I learn something new? Not really—you’ll probably just go on social media. Will I reach out to my friends? Please. I don’t even want friends. I hate people. Right? Just cannot with people. Right? Of course! It’s time to use that rage to look up from your phone and stare hatefully into the face of the person nearest to you.
Try to find the fear hidden deep within their eyes. Try and track every emotion you see hurriedly going through their mind. Confusion? Fear? Anger? Soak it in, the way you cannot online. When you read someone’s post, you see the words, but you don’t experience their emotion. Now when you are mad dogging a stranger, not only are you experiencing their feelings—you control their feelings! Like a demi-god.
Of course this simple act will not just give you eye contact. It can lead to so much more! You’ll feel an exciting rush when you start conversing! As their quiet “what’s your problem?” Turns into screamed “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?” You won’t just be getting human contact, you’ll be shaking this human to their core. Something you can never gain with online interactions. Sure you can troll, but it’s nothing like this rush. This is human contact at it’s finest. No words spoken or written, yet they can hear you loud and clear.
When you implement these simple exercises you’ll notice a huge difference in your confidence. You’ll feel strong and powerful and ready to take on the world. Like, literally. Take on the world and anyone residing in it. Stop looking at whatever people are about on twitter. Get in someone’s face in real life. Invade their emotional space like you can never do on the internet.
Emotional expression just cannot be fully experienced though the screen. Especially when you get into a physical altercation with a stranger. There is nothing like getting punched in the face to let you know you are truly alive. Seeing your blood spurting from your nose—so honest. No online insult will allow you to smell the anger sweat that builds as two people who know nothing about each other duke it out.
Frankly it is unhealthy to always look at your screens too much. It hurts your sleep, messes with your interpersonal skills, and makes you depressed. Mad dogging strangers helps you sleep (the concussions are better than Ambien), helps you connect (there is nothing more bonding than a fight), and makes you truly happy (fighting endorphins are better than any drug). It’s like fight club but instead of a club it’s just you fighting everyone. Join us. It’s time to put down that phone, look up and glare. You will thank yourself. But you should invest in some good health insurance.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
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