The New Siri Voice On iOS 13 Is Way Better At Yelling At Your Kids

Apple just debuted a ton of new features at the Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC). And while there’s so much to get excited for (the new Mac Pro, Dark Mode, and more!), I’m personally most looking forward to the iOS 13 upgrade. Specifically, the fact that on iOS 13, Siri’s voice will apparently sound more human. Because when I make Siri yell at my kid, I want it to sound like a real person is tearing him a new one.

Yelling At Your Kids Can Psychologically Scar Them, Which Is Why I Make Siri Do It

I don’t believe in punishing children, so I have Siri do it for me. The only problem is nothing beats the real, human element of having an actual adult tell a child they’re being an ungrateful little shit.

Now don’t get me wrong. I know children are basically being raised by technology these days, and that it’s not necessarily a good thing. Because they should be being raised by technology that sounds like people. Otherwise they’re probably going to get a weird fetish for having real people yell at them.

New Voice Options Mean New Punishment Options!

I especially like Apple’s new “I’m not mad I’m just disappointed feature.” They really went the extra mile with how disgusted Siri sounds at my child’s terrible behavior. It’s clear that even though she’s saying she’s not mad, she’s definitely mad. Wow, we’ve come so far.

Now when I say, “Siri remind me at 3:30 P.M. that Brandon is a disappointment,” I can really feel good about that decision. I love knowing that the voice that punishes Brandon sounds like a human, but not like me.