You’re Using Dry Shampoo All Wrong—Stop Drinking It
A Bunny Ears poll of our readers shows that most of you are using dry shampoo wrong. Why are you drinking it? We can’t imagine how or why you got this so wrong, but that’s not at all what’s it’s designed for.
Dry shampoo—and we can’t stress enough that we should not have to explain this to you—is for your hair. We honestly don’t know a whole lot about it beyond that, but without ever picking up a bottle, we can most certainly tell you it’s not a “Delicious and refreshing drink, yum yum,” as one of you wrote. We won’t name names, but rest assured that we are terrified of you now.
How Does Dry Shampoo Really Work?
Okay, we really quickly Googled “Dry shampoo how work?” Apparently, “the alcohol or starch in the product soaks up the excess oil and grease in your hair, giving it a cleaner, fresher appearance.” So you use it pretty much like shampoo, just without water. You don’t “saw off the top with a table saw and drink it like a crisp, fresh Pepsi Cola,” as one reader asserted entirely too confidently. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say nothing you’re supposed to drink is going to require you to open it with a table saw.
Your (Very Dumb) Questions Answered
Some of you seemed to realize that you were so very confused, so we’re now going to address a few of the questions we received with the survey responses. We do not know where you can get a keg of dry shampoo. Drinking that much individually would be very bad, and hopefully, if it were for a party, literally everyone else there would tell you that you’re not supposed to drink it.
Another one of you wanted to know why it makes your tummy hurt when you drink it. That is, again, because you’re not supposed to drink it. One of you said your friend drank a whole bunch of it and got very sick. You think that maybe people shouldn’t drink it. That is correct, anonymous reader.
Dry Shampoo Is For Your Hair, So Please Don’t Drink It
We just wanted to say it one more time. We are positive about this. We’ve conducted studies. Well, we made our intern, Craig, drink it. He died. Don’t drink dry shampoo!