6 Simple Cocktails To Keep Your Inevitable Intervention Casual
Let’s face it: It’s a minor miracle you haven’t had an intervention yet. So what happens when that day finally arrives (besides all those sob stories about the time you pissed yourself at your nephew’s bris)? Nothing shuts down a good time faster than your loved ones begging you to sober up. Fortunately, we’ve come up with a few cocktails to keep things light as your friends and family implore you to reevaluate your life. Your intervention may be inevitable, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a downer.
1. An Old Fashioned
Everyone should know how to make this classic cocktail, from the casual drinker to someone like you, who once woke up under a bridge wearing another man’s clothes. Chances are an old-school fellah like your pawpee will appreciate this one as he blubbers in the corner, trying to read a letter about what a beautiful baby you once were.
2. Skinny Margarita
Lord knows there’s someone at every party watching their weight. That’s why breaking out this healthy spin on a classic margarita will be a hit at your intervention, even if your ex-girlfriend is more concerned with why you just threw a chair out the window than her sugar intake.
3. A Crisp, Cold Coors Light
Not a cocktail, per se, but beggars can’t be choosers, and everyone in this room is begging you to sober up before you die. So catch the train and serve up a silver bullet before they can wrestle it out of your hand. Plus, everyone loves an ice cold beer on a hot summer day, and you’re certainly sweating right now, no matter what time of year it is.
Who says this egg-based beverage must be limited to Christmas? Unlike you, your loved ones might not even know it’s alcoholic, what with all those weird ingredients. They’ll just assume you’re drinking a hearty glass of raw eggs. So pass this chunky treat around and remind everyone of simpler times, when the family got together for the holidays and not this horrible occasion.
5. Rubbing Alcohol
Wherever you go, there you are, and wherever you are, you’re going to drink. So push your way through your burly brother-in-law and start tearing through any cabinets or closets you can find. Beggars can’t be choosers. Shit, did we already say that? Sorry, we’re so drunk. What?! Don’t look at us like that! Sorry. Look, we’ll do whatever you want. Go wherever you want. Just let us drink down this bottle of rubbing alcohol we found in the medicine cabinet. Then we’ll get right. We promise. This time things will be different.
6. A Note You Can Pass Around the Room Asking for Cocaine
Do you have cocaine? I have cash. And if I didn’t mention it when you were crying hysterically earlier, it’s really nice to see you. It’s been too long. Let’s get some drinks on the books. (Also, if it isn’t evident, I will suck your dick for drugs)