Brian Steele is a writer living in Los Angeles. He's written and produced content for companies such as Funny Or Die, FreMantle Media, IFC, MyDamnChannel, Splitsider and TruTV. You can check out his work at HoltandSteele.com.
How To Talk To Your Teens About The Dangers Of James Woods
It might be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.
If Data Is So ‘Fully Functional,’ Why Won’t He Eat My Ass?
It’s a legitimate question.
When To Tell Your Kids That Santa Died From Autoerotic Asphyxiation
It’s something every parent wonders.
We’re Locking One Lucky Kid In Macaulay Culkin’s House This Christmas!
He’s going to be hunted!
Christmas Cocktails You’ll Love Because You’re An Alcoholic
Seriously. You have a problem.
Is He Into You Or Is He Just A Terminator Trying To Steal Your Clothes?
It’s a reasonable question.
6 Simple Cocktails To Keep Your Inevitable Intervention Casual
Like an Old Fashioned!
Mermaids Facts To Scream Over Your Uncle’s Racist Rants This Thanksgiving
It’s a surefire way to survive the day intact.
Quiz: Can You Finish Jerking Off In This Airplane Bathroom Before It Crashes Into The Ocean?
How good are you at compartmentalizing?
So What Exactly Happens If The Burger King Produces No Heir?
The Burger Kingdom finds itself in dire straits.
How To Get Over Imposter Syndrome Without Revealing Your Fake Identity
Your whole life is a lie, but you deserved that promotion.
It’s Time To Teach Your Children The True Meaning Of No Nut November
It’s about family, faith, and unrelenting blue balls.
Is The Slender Man Setting Unrealistic Body Expectations For His Victims?
What kind of example is he setting?
Are You Being Catfished Or Is Judd Nelson That Hard Up For Phone Sex?
It can be hard to tell.
All The Colors We’re Painting Our Fall Foliage This Season
It’s time to cover up that unsightly green.
How To Explain Sex To Your Kids Without Admitting You Don’t Know Either
Confidence is key.
Wilford Brimley Shares His Secret To Staying So Old
You don’t stay this decrepit by doing nothing.
Sex Tips To Make Your Boyfriend Go, ‘Gross, Why Do You Want That?’
Want to make things weird?
America Has Become A Banana Republic, In That The Khakis They Sell Don’t Fit Me
I usually don’t get political.
Macaulay Culkin Demands We Rethink Mandatory Sentencing For Hamburglars
It’s cruel and unusual.
How Getting My Head Stuck In This Jumbo Jar Of Pickles Taught Me To Relax
It’s been a game-changer.
Is The Bunny Ears Pop-Up Coming To Your City? Because We’ve Lost It
If you see it, please let us know.
The Small Wonder Cast: Where They Are Literally Right Now
We tagged them with GPS trackers, like a bunch of wild animals
Addicted To Your Phone? Try Shooting It Up For An Even Better High
Just mainline that ‘ish.
Are You A Dog Or A Cat Person? Because My Army Of Hybrid Freaks Is Hiring
We provide college credit.
My Near Death Experience Taught Me I Love Work More Than My Family
I realized I was doing everything exactly right.
How to Decide Which Cat Is Inheriting Your Fortune
You may love your cats equally, but they aren’t all equal when it comes to personal responsibility.
This Mother’s Day Give Your Mom The Gift Of Planning Mother’s Day
She’s always been there for you. So this year, why not give her the Mother’s Day of her dreams by having her plan the whole thing?
The Best Abrasive Sponges for Detoxing Your Filthy Penis
When it comes to personal hygiene, many of us men run into the same problem. How do we keep our penises clean, when they’re such dirty lil’ things?
Cage-Free Children: Right For You?
If you’re raising one of these “cage-free children,” you’re a crappy parent. There, we said it.
I’m Worried My Kids Aren’t Weird Enough For Homeschooling
Will they be able to keep up with all those little creeps, goobers, freak-balls and toenail chewers? I’m just not convinced.
My Girlfriend Says She Loves Me But She Won’t Kill My Rich Parents
Is that so much to ask?
How Many Hours A Day Should You Be Resting Your Bitch Face?
We asked a team of experts.
How To Tell Your Servants You’ll Be Sharing A Grave
A few easy tricks to help soften the blow.
How To Get That Body Snatchable For Body-Snatching Season
It’s that time of year again!
How To Accentuate Your Resting Dad Dick
Every dad has a pants pickle ready to tickle, but we don’t always put it out there in the best light. Well that ends now.
Apply Early! These Preschools Are So Exclusive They Don’t Allow Children
Or do you hate your children too much help them succeed?