How To Bedazzle Your Butthole On A Budget

October 28, 2018 by , featured in Butt Stuff
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How do you take your beauty regimen to the next level without spending a fortune? Thankfully, we’ve got a solution for you, and apparently, it’s Bedazzling your butthole (not to be confused with the recent tie-dying your butthole trend that was all the rage earlier this summer). Now, we’re not saying you should do this. We’re not saying anyone else is doing this. What we are saying is, if you’re going to do this, there are ways to Bedazzle your butthole on a budget and make it look like a million bucks.

First, you’ll need a butthole. Check.

Next, a Bedazzler kit wouldn’t hurt. A word of advice: While perusing your local hobby shop or arts and crafts store, keep the butthole talk to a minimum. Underage artists and model-train enthusiasts tend to be a bit uptight when it comes to anus chitchat.

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If you feel too weird bringing up butt play at your local Michaels, a dollar store could probably help you out. Maybe just buy some foil confetti or acrylic gems there, actually. Dollar store employees are happy to talk about all kinds of weird things. Believe us, we tried out a variety of conversational horror, and we could not get them to shut up.

Now get some Elmer’s Glue or whatever knockoff brand you got at your local dollar store.

Delbert’s or something. Once you’re all stocked up, it’ll be time to get some help. Sadly, a professional butthole Bedazzler can cost a pretty penny—or at least, we assume they would. We were unable to find any, probably because we just spitballed this idea at our editorial meeting like 10 minutes ago. But literally anyone who’s comfortable with buttholes will work for this.

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Anyway, once you’ve dropped trou, have your partner, intern, or dollar store clerk pour the Delbert’s Glue or whatever over your butt until it’s nice and pasty. You’ll know the sensation when it feels like you’re wearing a dirty diaper. Now comes the fun part: It’s time to toss those junk jewels at your crap trap like darts at a dartboard, turning that balloon knot into a disco ball. Of course, clear away any excess bling after the fact, so there’s no clogging. The last thing you want is for everything to harden in the wrong place. That’s what happened to me, and let’s just say it’s a good thing I’ve got a standing desk.

Images: Pexels, Walmart.com


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30 Comments

  1. My favorite thing is the Next Read on the bottom “how to confuse and terrify your children into eating healthy” 😂

  2. All the ass eaters are now envious of my booty bling! I don’t know why someone didn’t think of this sooner! The Elmers Glue however didn’t work out so well, it was taking forever to dry. I suggest a craft glue, something that’ll bond well to bungholes. Really I didn’t have time to wait. See I had a party to attend and needed my dairy air to looks its best considering it was being recored and all. So if you really want to spice it up and add a little fancy to your fanny a nice butt plug helped bring it all together! Especially if you’re into butt stuff.

  3. I’m actually having trouble breathing from laughing 😂😂😂😂 OMG! When I think I’ve heard it all… Nope Bedazzle Your Butthole!! 😂😂😂😂

  4. What the f&$# did I just read .that’s time out of my life I’ll never get back. Oh by the way gross.

  5. Very interesting do they make the jelly filled Jewel looking beads so that it dosent hurt my penis when I’m fucking her asshole with a diamond encrusted ring around it..

  6. Super glue worked wonders for me. Kept the jewels in place and they really lasted!! I do think I lost one inside though but I’ll find that eventually.

  7. Glue dots double sided would work best just saying you just peel and stick. You can vagazzle your cooch while your at it.

  8. I loved this article! Very useful info all the way around. Might I request tips on braiding butthole hair next? Cornrows perhaps?

  9. What better way to look trendy as you drop your pants to pinch a loaf in the streets of San Francisco or you local homeless camp!

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