The Hottest New Look Is Bleaching Then Tie-Dying Your Butthole

August 6, 2019 by , featured in Butt Stuff, Health
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Bleached buttholes? Been there. Tie-dyed shirts? Done that. Well, buckle up, because this season, we’re combining the best of both worlds and tie-dying our buttholes. Whether you’re showing off your rainbow for Pride Month or just giving your partner a colorful surprise, a tie-dyed butthole is the height of summer fun. We know what you’re thinking: “How the fuck would I even begin to go about doing that, and why?” We can answer one of those questions!

It’s All About Prep

Of course, you can’t forgo the bleaching entirely. Most people’s buttholes are a disgusting natural shade of brown, so to really get those colors to pop, you’ll need a nice blank canvas. Schedule a full Brazilian while you’re at it. You don’t want a bunch of short and curlies obscuring your art.

Selecting Your Colors

Sky’s the limit when it comes to colors with which to adorn your butthole, so we recommend you decide on a color palette. Of course, a full rainbow is always a hit, but maybe your butthole looks best in more muted tones. Earthy shades of green and terra cotta complement almost everyone’s butthole tones and transition nicely into fall as well. But it’s entirely up to you. Just remember your color wheel, which dictates that hues on opposite sides pair best with one another (and it’s also a fun new nickname for your butthole).

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It’s As Easy As Sitting Down

The great thing about tie-dying your butthole is that it’s already all puckered. No tying needed! Just select your colors, put them in some cute little jars, and dip your butthole into them one at a time. Of course, if you have a specific design in mind, you can pluck up some skin off your butthole, twist it off, and clamp it. Just keep in mind that we are not responsible for your medical bills. And don’t forget to cover your surrounding butt skin in Vaseline to avoid the color bleeding onto your butt cheeks. You want a rainbow butthole, not an entire rainbow butt. That would just be ridiculous.

Images: Pexels


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22 Comments

  1. I’m opening the first butthole tie-dyeing salon tomorrow in Kotzebue, Alaska! Swing on by for a dye!

  2. Well it might be made up but I’m definitely going to do it. Never bleach my asshole before but there’s a first time for everything right

  3. Would this be considered an extension of the standard Total Colo-Rectal Beauty regimen, or is this an entirely separate branch of Anal Rejuvenation which is in competition with TCRB for a larger buttshare?

    Asking For a Friend.

  4. Why does your butthole look like a fruit roll up?
    Omg haha face book told me it was the summers hottest look 🤭
    😂😂😂😂

  5. Just avoid using too many earthy tones like brown and green unless you are going for the poopy butthole look

  6. To those that don’t get that this is just satire and absurdly funny, shuffle really need to get a life. Yes this is out rages! It’s also completely hysterical! To the idiot who claimed it to be “Clickbait“ if you were looking to genuinely tie dye your butt hole or bedazzle your butt hole and are upset that this was satire/a joke or as you say “click bait”, You might genuinely want to check into therapy. I suggest daily therapy for some time until you can figure out why you’re upset that this is a joke or click bait instead of actual directions on how to tie-dye or bedazzle your butt hole.

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