From The Archives: Bunny Ears Explains How To Deal With The Vapours
As serious fans of Bunny Ears know, our publication was called The Ears Upon a Rabbit: A Quarterly Concern of Wellness & Good Living during the Victorian era. For nearly a century of our long and storied history, our predecessors offered wellness advice to all who needed it, be they mighty monarchs or lowly orphans. From how to get the most out of your monthly bath to maintaining your spiritual side after a 14-hour-day among the great and terrifying new machines of the industrial revolution, we tackled contemporary issues then just as we do now. And while any reputable library or research institution would hold a full run of this era’s output, from time to time we like to digitize a piece from the archives to show readers just how far the world of wellness has come… and how long we’ve been committed to sharing nothing but the best advice. Enjoy!
A Short Word On The Vapours, And The Treatment Thereof
As all good gentlemen and gentlewomen are aware, in these troubling years the fairer sex has been subject to a medical state most foul. We allude, of course, to the malignancy known best as the vapours, which has rampaged through parlour room and boarding house alike.
The causes of this terrible affliction are as yet unknown. So-called medical professionals, in all their continued quackery, have ascribed the condition to absurdities ranging from stomach woes to hysteria to stress and shock. Their equally nonsensical prescribed treatments would make stuffed birds laugh, be they simple rest and relaxation, a cleansing of the inner workings, or an investment in a fainting couch, as though impermanent material acquisition could allay such a serious state. The arrogance and irresponsibility of the modern medical establishment in claiming a monopoly on knowledge regarding this matter, or indeed any matter, is evident.
We here at The Ears Upon a Rabbit, however, are better informed. It is clear to your humble wellness scribes, both through experimentation and sheer intuition, that the vapours are a cruel but necessary reminder that one is living a spiritually unexamined life. The solution, therefore, is not to drown oneself in pharmaceuticals and decorative furniture, but rather to examine one’s life and determine just what has caused one to be made spiritually bereft. For if a soul is adrift on the ocean, are they brought to safe harbour by gilding their raft with gold, or through the acquisition of an oar and map?
As good fortune would have it, in this spiritually attuned age there are no shortage of healthy activities that a moral woman can partake in to combat this terrible malady. A séance, for instance, can strike a mortal blow to the vapours by putting one in touch with the wisdom and kindness of the spirit realm; provided, of course, that a reputable spirit host is found. The Ears Upon a Rabbit is proud to name, in our latter pages, those spirit mediums that have distinguished themselves as reputable, and those which have distinguished themselves as base charlatans.
One must also consider the benefits of engaging in a nuanced new beauty routine in order to remind oneself of the vivacity of life. Reject gaudiness and peacockery in your endeavour to rouse oneself from drudgery. There is no need to overreact by putting butter upon bacon. Employ a modest corset and hoop skirt, and supplement your appearance by bringing out your inherent elegance through the simple, subtle application of all-natural paints and powders. Whether you choose a product based in arsenic, lead, mercury, radium, or nightshade, beautifying yourself through the bounty of this fair earth will remind one that we all share this humble sphere, and that no disease can preserve in the face of such great and unifying knowledge. Once again, consult our back pages for endorsed merchants who are guaranteed to offer only the finest all-natural wellness concoctions.
In sum, it cannot be denied that a case of the vapours can overcome the fair and frail complexion of womenkind. But it also cannot be denied that the vapours themselves can be defeated through the application of spiritually sound, time honoured wellness traditions. Do not fall pray to the chicanery of so-called “modern science”! Trust in nature and spirituality. Trust in us. The Ears Upon a Rabbit shall not lead you astray.
So there you have it! Our name may have changed, but even from our earliest days your spiritual interest has always been Bunny Ears’ chief concern. Of course, in this modern era we wouldn’t be so irresponsible as to recommend frivolous solutions like seances or, God forbid, arsenic. Those were a product of their time, and we should be thankful of the reminder that we now live in an era that values a healthy, rational, yoni egg and crystal healing based approach to wellness.