Mark has written for Cracked, the Modern Rogue, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, the Atlantic, Motherboard, the Daily Dot, and a bunch of other places that he can't remember off the top of his head. He also writes most of the nation's grocery lists.
Meet Our New Au Pair, The Goblin King
Finding an au pair you can trust with your child is no small task. But we’ve come across a winner, and we want to share him with you!
What To See in Asia If You’re Pressed For Time And Only Interested In Bragging on Social Media
So, you’ve been given the exciting opportunity to travel to Asia, huh? Congratulations! But let us guess—your time there is limited, and you’re unsure of what sights and experiences you should prioritize so you can score some sick social media pics. That’s understandable, because Asia is huge! It has over five countries, and they all […]
These Stories Are So Spiritually Inspirational That We Couldn’t Bring Ourselves To Fact Check Them
We all need a dose of inspiration now and then, and nothing helps us continue to live life to the fullest like epic inspirational stories of someone absolutely rocking their spiritual side. These particular stories inspired us so much that we couldn’t face it if we found out they weren’t true, so we didn’t bother to […]
How To Raise Your Child With Only What Nature Provides
Raising a child is arguably harder than it’s ever been. The modern world contains countless dangers that can stunt a child’s development, from processed foods to television to vaccines. And the cost of finding safe alternatives can add up in a hurry—but don’t despair! We’re here to explain how you can affordably raise your child […]
Climate Change Is Causing Men To Rain At An Unsustainable Rate
We’ve ignored this for too long.
What’s All This Then: Bunny Ears Determines That Free Will Is A Lie
Bunny Ears knows that your quest for spiritual wellness takes many forms. During the day you may just need to know how much flaxseed to add to your oatmeal to get you through that staff meeting. But at night you’re haunted by bigger questions: Why are we here? Where are we going? Or, as we […]
Oh No, The Dog With A Blog Pivoted To Video And Is A ‘Breed Realist’ Now
He has some deeply uncomfortable things to say about Anatolian Shepherds on YouTube.
How To Channel The Energy Of The Child Workers And Dead Birds Trapped In Your Healing Crystals
Hello, crystal fans! If you’ve been keeping up with my column, Crystal Chronicles, then by now you’ve heard the bad news: some of our beloved healing crystals are being sourced from mines with lax labor and environmental laws. In the Democratic Republic of the Congo, children as young as seven work in mines. In Myanmar, […]
We Talked To Some Unsuccessful, But Very Spiritual People About Their Work Habits
Do you find it hard to stay motivated in both your professional life and your spiritual one? Don’t despair! We asked some of the most spiritual people we could find to tell us how they find that all-important balance, and we think you’ll find their answers… enlightening. Krystal, 27 (Yoga Instructor) “Yoga is obviously extremely […]
I Empathize With Women Who Experience Ovipositor Pain Or Whatever
I think the single most frustrating part of being a woman must be when men don’t take you seriously. As I was explaining to my sister the other day, this problem springs from a refusal to listen to and understand women’s issues. But as a strong male ally, I always completely get what women are […]
The Quest For The Crystal! An Interactive Wellness Adventure
Oh boy, I hope I get to lick a doorknob!
How To Win The Social Media “Most Wounded Person” Award
Despondence and self-loathing suck, but what sucks even more is not profiting from yours. How often have you been on Facebook or Twitter, complaining that your life is a bleak pit of despair, only for someone to come along and mention that, in addition to their near unspeakable level of existential malaise, their cat just […]
Science Says Intelligent People Have Bad Habits, So I’m Clearly A Genius
I forgot to pay a parking ticket because it was buried under greasy KFC boxes and dead spiders on my desk.
We Revisited ‘Romeo And Juliet,’ And It’s Honestly Kind Of Problematic
The people of 1597 should be ashamed.
Tackle Little Tasks So You Can Focus On The Big, Haunting Problems
Like, “What am I even doing with my life?”
Absolute Must-Have Horoscope #SquadsGoals (Finally In One Place)!
Horoscope squads, assemble! While every horoscope sign is unique, there’s no denying that some traits overlap and form some seriously awesome squads! Study up, figure out the traits that you have in common, and learn how to slay your way through the month of May, bae! The Most Likely To Fake a Sick Day Squad: […]
What Your Home Says About You And What We’re Going To Steal From It
Take this handy quiz!
Macaulay Culkin Hired A Book Curator To Help Him Collect All 7 ‘Harry Potter’ Books
‘They represent over half of all books known to exist.’
FOLLOW UP: The Best Way To Remove Porcupine Quills From Your Urethra
We’ve admittedly been getting a LOT of questions.
Rory Culkin’s New Website Is An Abomination And Also Our Biggest Rival
Rory can’t be trusted.
Coat Your Dick In Wax, Just Like Ryan Gosling Does (Possibly)
It’s trending on Twitter, so we’re gonna say it’s true.
Our Vague Personality Test Will Flatter You Even More Than Other Quizzes
It’s only nine questions!
FACT CHECK: We’ve Only Killed Dozens Of People, Not Hundreds
We’re tired of the slander.
Our Staff Medium Glimpsed The Afterlife, And Honestly It’s Hot Garbage
We don’t recommend dying anytime soon.
Has ‘Mario Kart’ Contributed To Climate Change?
We’re asking the hard questions—because someone has to.
You Can Buy Culkin Cheddar As Long As You Don’t Ask Where It Comes From
Just try not to think too hard about it!
Uh Oh, Duolingo Wants Us To Learn “The Speech Of The Owl God”
It’s also calling each new challenge “mandated knowledge”?
Adult Diaper Play The Eco-Friendly Way With Reusable Diapers
Adult diaper play is nothing to be ashamed of…but abusing the earth IS.
We’re Literally Begging You To Read All 27 Of These ‘Toy Story’ Facts
Please Give Us 500 Dollars For Our Seminar That’s Already Been Canceled
We will not be offering refunds.
Spanish-American War Facts, Because We Misunderstood ’90s Nostalgia
We realized our mistake far, far too late.
Conspiracy Theory: Did The Creators Of Pogs Just Want Our Money?
A shocking truth may lurk behind this beloved childhood pastime.
Sorry, but the Latest Self-Care Fad Is Letting Badgers Maul Your Genitals
Do animals put you in a better mood? Then you have to try the latest self-care trend, featuring adorable badgers! They’re cuddlier than they look!
Episode 69 – Our 69th Podcast Episode with Special Guest Matt Bennett
Like the sex number!