Mark has written for Cracked, the Modern Rogue, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, the Atlantic, Motherboard, the Daily Dot, and a bunch of other places that he can't remember off the top of his head. He also writes most of the nation's grocery lists.
We Revisited ‘Romeo And Juliet,’ And It’s Honestly Kind Of Problematic
The people of 1597 should be ashamed.
Oh No, The Dog With A Blog Pivoted To Video And Is A ‘Breed Realist’ Now
He has some deeply uncomfortable things to say about Anatolian Shepherds on YouTube.
Spanish-American War Facts, Because We Misunderstood ’90s Nostalgia
We realized our mistake far, far too late.
Conspiracy Theory: Did The Creators Of Pogs Just Want Our Money?
A shocking truth may lurk behind this beloved childhood pastime.
Sorry, but the Latest Self-Care Fad Is Letting Badgers Maul Your Genitals
Do animals put you in a better mood? Then you have to try the latest self-care trend, featuring adorable badgers! They’re cuddlier than they look!
Episode 69 – Our 69th Podcast Episode with Special Guest Matt Bennett
Like the sex number!
This Crazy Game Of Thrones Theory Will Show How Desperate We Are For Clicks
Hi, Macaulay Culkin and the Bunny Ears staff would appreciate it if you click on this Game Of Thrones cash grab article. Please and thank you.
Welcome To The Bunny Ears Sex Issue, Which Is Mostly Just Garfield Erotica
We really didn’t think this one through
Meet Our New Au Pair, The Goblin King
Finding an au pair you can trust with your child is no small task. But we’ve come across a winner, and we want to share him with you!
Weird Al And Macaulay Culkin: Live At The Largo
Macaulay Culkin and Weird Al, together at last!
Inspirational Feminist Quotes From Women Driven To Suicide By The Patriarchy
They’re so inspirational!
Underwear Brands Need To Acknowledge My Weird Penis
Are you a man who struggles to find comfortable underwear? Don’t worry; you’re not alone, and we share in your annoyance and anger.
The One About Depression And Kickboxing With Special Guest Elijah Taylor
We’re delving into the lighter side of a serious subject.
How To Survive No Martini March
Alcohol is a complicated part of modern life. It’s fun in moderation but damaging in excess, and sometimes the line between the two is blurry. It never hurts to take a break from alcohol for the sake of your physical and mental well-being. But in our busy world of Tinder dates, business lunches, and bar […]
‘I Don’t See Disease’ Is The Hottest New Health Trend!
Don’t let disease get you down. Fight through your illness with our bold new method of denying its existence! You’ll be healthy in no time!
What If Bad Things, But Not?
Everything seems awful all of the time these days, but are you sure that’s really the case? We’ll make the case that you should cheer up a bit.
Sophisticated Gifts For Kids That Are Sure To Get Them Bullied
You’ll look like a parent with impeccable modern taste, but you’ll never have to put your skills to use because your child won’t have any friends left!
We Demand The Immediate Release Of Next Summer’s Fashion Lines
We’re standing up for what’s right.
We Tried Every Soap On The Market And Are Plagued With Regret
From Goat’s Milk Lavender to Honeysuckle Harmony, they tried them all. Oh God, why?
The Quest For The Crystal! An Interactive Wellness Adventure
Oh boy, I hope I get to lick a doorknob!
Science Says Intelligent People Have Bad Habits, So I’m Clearly A Genius
I forgot to pay a parking ticket because it was buried under greasy KFC boxes and dead spiders on my desk.
Panic Healing: A New Healing Method We Invented Via Typo
It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.
Our Take On Israel/Palestine Because For Some Reason You Keep Asking
We are always happy to address questions raised by our fans, even when the issue is controversial.
From The Archives: Bunny Ears Explains How To Deal With The Vapours
A rare and delightful treat from the Bunny Ears Archive!
I Won’t Circumcise My Son Until He Is 18 And I Can Guilt Him Into It
It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.
I’m Sorry My Gender Reveal Party Caused ‘The Scourge’
There was literally no way to prevent this.
Bring Meaning To Your Life With This New Wellness Product
Sometimes it feels like, no matter how large your crystal collection, no matter how many organic recipes you master, it’s simply never enough to fill the void you feel tugging at your soul.
I Empathize With Women Who Experience Ovipositor Pain Or Whatever
I think the single most frustrating part of being a woman must be when men don’t take you seriously. As I was explaining to my sister the other day, this problem springs from a refusal to listen to and understand women’s issues. But as a strong male ally, I always completely get what women are […]
It’s Cool That Your Mom Is So Sex Positive
The fact that women are still criticized for expressing their sexual autonomy is a serious problem. No one should be made to feel guilty for openly and honestly pursuing consensual pleasure. Which is why it’s sincerely admirable that your mom is as open to the public as a library. Too many women, through absolutely no […]
What’s All This Then: Bunny Ears Determines That Free Will Is A Lie
Bunny Ears knows that your quest for spiritual wellness takes many forms. During the day you may just need to know how much flaxseed to add to your oatmeal to get you through that staff meeting. But at night you’re haunted by bigger questions: Why are we here? Where are we going? Or, as we […]
I Slept With Your Wife Because Everything Happens For a Reason
The universe is a funny place. It may seem cold and inscrutable, but a spiritual person like me can recognize that it has a habit of punishing vices and rewarding virtues. Why, just the other day, an alcoholic acquaintance of mine was diagnosed with cirrhosis. If that wasn’t the universe trying to send him a […]
They’re Just Like Us! My Dog Is Also Clinically Depressed
Dogs are amazing creatures. They’re intelligent, empathetic, and they care so much about their owners that, at times, they even come to resemble them. Why, just take my adorable li’l pupper! When I watch tennis on TV, he’s right there with me following the ball, and even pawing at it with his foofins! And when […]
Bunny Ears Reviews Four Incredible Lifestyle Products
We know you’re a discerning consumer with impeccable taste. Because you want and deserve the best, we’ve hand-selected a few popular products and given them rigorous reviews to ensure they’re worth your time and money. We’re tough critics, but we think you’ll also find us fair. Travel Acupuncture Kit We all know that acupuncture soothes […]
BREAKING NEWS: Bunny Ears Has Settled Our Live Wolf Therapy Lawsuit
In the interest of full disclosure, Bunny Ears, LLC would like to announce that we have reached a $145,000 settlement with the FTC regarding our promotion of live wolf therapy. Furthermore, we have agreed to reimburse any reader who attended a live wolf therapy session hosted or endorsed by Bunny Ears and felt misled as […]
How To Win The Social Media “Most Wounded Person” Award
Despondence and self-loathing suck, but what sucks even more is not profiting from yours. How often have you been on Facebook or Twitter, complaining that your life is a bleak pit of despair, only for someone to come along and mention that, in addition to their near unspeakable level of existential malaise, their cat just […]
How To Make The Perfect Fried Rice—And I Mean Perfect
So you want to learn how to make my perfect fried rice? Of course you do. My perfect fried rice is nirvana incarnate. It’s made grown men weep. Asking someone if they want my fried rice recipe is like asking someone if they want to glimpse the face of God. Who’s going to say no? […]
How To Use Healing Crystals To Cure Your Cancer (Maybe? Don’t Quote Us)
There’s no denying that healing crystals have incredible power.1 But just how far does this power go? We’ve used and endorsed crystals to cure headaches, colds, and other common aliments,2 but today we’re here to tell you that, when applied correctly, crystals can do so much more.3 They can even help you overcome cancer, as […]
How To Raise Your Child With Only What Nature Provides
Raising a child is arguably harder than it’s ever been. The modern world contains countless dangers that can stunt a child’s development, from processed foods to television to vaccines. And the cost of finding safe alternatives can add up in a hurry—but don’t despair! We’re here to explain how you can affordably raise your child […]
These Stories Are So Spiritually Inspirational That We Couldn’t Bring Ourselves To Fact Check Them
We all need a dose of inspiration now and then, and nothing helps us continue to live life to the fullest like epic inspirational stories of someone absolutely rocking their spiritual side. These particular stories inspired us so much that we couldn’t face it if we found out they weren’t true, so we didn’t bother to […]
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…