BREAKING NEWS: Bunny Ears Has Settled Our Live Wolf Therapy Lawsuit
In the interest of full disclosure, Bunny Ears, LLC would like to announce that we have reached a $145,000 settlement with the FTC regarding our promotion of live wolf therapy. Furthermore, we have agreed to reimburse any reader who attended a live wolf therapy session hosted or endorsed by Bunny Ears and felt misled as to its content or benefits. This reimbursement is provided because of our admiration and love for our countless fans and supporters, and also out of legal obligation.
But make no mistake—Bunny Ears maintains that we have done nothing wrong in endorsing the therapeutic use of live wolves. We reached a settlement solely out of respect for the legal process and the important role the government plays in keeping consumers safe. The fact that our live wolf therapy sessions will continue with only minor alterations to wolf hugging and riding technique constitutes a victory for us. We have long argued that when practiced in a professional and nurturing environment there is perhaps no wellness routine safer than live wolf therapy, and this ruling is a clear endorsement of that argument.
Bunny Ears is proud to provide a forum for practitioners to present their views and experiences with various services like live wolf therapy. The law, though, sometimes views statements like these as advertising claims, and also sometimes views direct offers by Bunny Ears to sell a product to consumers as advertising claims, and these are subject to various legal requirements. The law further requires that all practitioners be allowed to present their views and experiences even if they now lack the relevant limbs to interact with Bunny Ears in an accessible manner. The FTC assisted us in applying those laws to the content we published, and we appreciate their guidance in this matter as we move from a pioneer in the wolf space to an established wolf wellness authority.
We have therefore reworded our statements regarding the efficacy of live wolf therapy. We will still state, as is our right and as the facts have long borne out, that live wolf therapy is “calming,” that it “puts you in touch with nature,” and that, when performed correctly, it is a “profoundly spiritual experience.” However, we will clarify that only certain people find it calming, that, technically, any interaction with fauna or flora can put one in touch with nature, and that, depending on the temperament of the wolves during your session there is a risk that you will not have a spiritual experience, and provoking the wolves is no longer a recommended solution to this disappointment. We will still maintain that wolf therapy is a “howlin’ good time,” but we will no longer argue that the fire hoop segment is “necessary if you want the alpha dog experience.”
It is exceedingly clear that, when enjoyed responsibly, live wolf therapy is perfectly safe for many people who choose to experience it. Thanks to now standard safety implements like dog whistles, wolf spray, and our patented Meat Shield, any reasonable court would argue that most incidents which could arise from live wolf therapy would be considered the fault of the practitioner, not of the wolf naturopath. Bunny Ears will, therefore, continue to stand behind the countless benefits of live wolf therapy for years to come. If others wish to misuse or slander the practice, that is their prerogative. We, however, will not cease in continuing to encourage access to live wolves, and the requisite musical accessories, to anyone who feels spiritually bereft and in need of healthy revitalization.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…