Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To Denver

February 3, 2019 by
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Anyone can name Denver’s most famous tourist attractions, from the Space Needle to the Denver Bronco, the immortal horse that kicks you in the face if you jaywalk. But Bunny Ears readers are discerning travellers who want to become intimately acquainted with their destinations, as though they are new lovers learning every hidden secret and desire. That’s why Macaulay Culkin, President of Bunny Ears and proud long-time resident of Denver*, is launching a brand new series of travel videos where he points out a city’s most underappreciated landmarks! And first up is the famed Mile Long City, of course!

*In his heart.

Wow! Look at all those incredible destinations! From *EXAMPLE REDACTED TO ENSURE THAT YOU VIEW THE VIDEO* to *EXAMPLE REDACTED TO ENSURE THAT YOU VIEW THE VIDEO*, any visitor to Denver will have days of fun in store for them! But what if you have even more time to spend in Denver? What if your demand for Denver tourism is a craving that you fear will never be sated? Don’t worry; we’ve highlighted yet more great Denver destinations below. You might never want, or be allowed, to leave!

The Kentucky Fried Chicken That Launched Eat, Pray, Love: The memoir turned movie Eat, Pray, Love has inspired millions, but did you know that, before author Elizabeth Gilbert spent the first leg of her spiritual journey sampling Italy’s famous cuisine, she just ate her sorrows away in a suburban Denver KFC? This part of her story was later cut for marketing reasons, but to this day those in the know can order the Gilbert Bucket hidden menu item, which is half a dozen pieces of grease trap dipped chicken and a hearty side of macaroni salad drenched in tequila. It’s life-re-examiningly good!

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The Denver Museum Of Misprinted Stamps: Any old city can have a boring stamp museum, but only Denver has a misprinted stamp museum! With over eight exhibits, and a gift shop that sells hilarious t-shirts that say “I wish my mistakes were worth millions,” you’ll definitely stamp out your boredom here!

Denver

The Obelisk: If you do not pledge fealty to Denver’s mighty Obelisk we cannot be held responsible for the consequences.

The Denver Mint: Take an educational tour to learn how America’s coins are made, and be sure to ask if they give out free samples. We guarantee that the tour guides will find this fresh joke hilarious!

A Set Of The Fan: Even casual movie fans remember this hit 1996 Robert De Niro and Wesley Snipes thriller, but did you know that its famous baseball stadium set was built in Denver? In tribute to The Fan’s enduring popularity, scenes from the film are recreated in the stadium set by a real baseball team a remarkable 81 times a year! They even serve beer and hot dogs, so make your dinner reservations today!

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Denver

Denver Botanic Gardens: Denver’s historic botanic gardens feature a stunning variety of plants, a butterfly habitat, educational experiences, an amphitheatre, and a rare moss that sings prophetic riddles. Untangling its rich metaphors might help you make your fortune, but failing to grasp the moss’ subtle linguistic intricacies could spell you doom. Do you dare to grapple with the blurry line between free will and determinism? If you do, don’t forget to mention Bunny Ears for a dollar off your MossPass!

Kyle’s House: Kyle has a PlayStation 4 and a Nintendo Switch, and he always has at least three flavours of chips in his kitchen. Kyle rocks!

Now you know as much about Denver as its founder, most famous citizen, and inventor of the Denver sandwich, John Denver! Enjoy your stay, and be sure to check out Macaulay Culkin’s upcoming video guides to whatever future cities he decides to claim residency of for tax purposes.

Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay


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