I Slept With Your Wife Because Everything Happens For a Reason
The universe is a funny place. It may seem cold and inscrutable, but a spiritual person like me can recognize that it has a habit of punishing vices and rewarding virtues. Why, just the other day, an alcoholic acquaintance of mine was diagnosed with cirrhosis. If that wasn’t the universe trying to send him a message about his drinking, I don’t know what it was. Everything happens for a reason. Including my affair with your wife.
Did I sleep with Sharon because I’m a bad person? That was your initial reaction, but let’s consider the facts. I work hard at my job, and I am rewarded with a considerable income. I give generously to charity, and I am rewarded with feelings of spiritual satisfaction. I also give generously to my own body through exercise and a healthy diet, and I am rewarded with a physique that is, as we have all been made aware, irresistible. Sharon, as I’ve ascertained through our pillow talk, is also taking good care of her body, mind, and spirit. Have you considered that perhaps the universe is merely rewarding the two of us for our hard work and wholesome spiritual lives with the beautiful gift of love?
You, on the other hand, are not all that you could be. You’re often stressed out. You obsess over material problems like your credit card bills, as though mysterious charges on Sharon’s account are any of your concern. Lately you’ve even grown quite cold, and have acted as though your lovely wife is hiding something. Why would the universe reward someone who carries that grim attitude around?
Now, I’m not just saying that you’re a bad person because I slept with your wife. Perhaps the universe is also trying to nudge us all towards where we need to be. My last relationship ended almost a year ago, so the universe could very well be telling me that it’s time to open my heart and love again. Conversely, I suspect that the universe is telling you not to waste any more of your precious time on your marriage, not while you could be spending it on so many other valuable pursuits. While I’m wrapped up in a loving embrace with your sweaty, naked wife, you could be advancing your career, learning a second language, or mastering the art of woodworking, all goals with benefits that will last well beyond the impermanent pleasures of fierce erotic passion. This is a chance for you to put aside distractions and become a better person.
Remember that what looks like a curse today can be a blessing tomorrow. A broken leg that keeps us cooped up for a summer can teach us to appreciate the wonder of books. A pink slip can remind us that we needed to escape a hated job. The stress of an STD test can remind us that an increasingly loveless marriage has its upsides. We have to trust that the cosmos are guiding us, and that what may look like a crisis can actually be an opportunity. That’s why the Chinese use the same word for “divorce” as they do for “fresh start.”
The universe speaks to us in subtle ways. Sharon and I listened and, as your friend, I suggest that you listen too. We all have a chance to come out of this as happier, healthier people more in touch with both our own needs and the needs of the great order of the cosmos. And who are we to argue with the stars?
Image 1: https://pixabay.com/en/love-couple-two-lavstori-3187623/
Image 2: https://pixabay.com/en/milky-way-universe-person-stars-1023340/
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…