I Slept With Your Wife Because Everything Happens For a Reason
The universe is a funny place. It may seem cold and inscrutable, but a spiritual person like me can recognize that it has a habit of punishing vices and rewarding virtues. Why, just the other day, an alcoholic acquaintance of mine was diagnosed with cirrhosis. If that wasn’t the universe trying to send him a […]
I Cloned Myself So I Could Wear Six Different Looks On My Wedding Day
When Alex asked me to marry him I was the happiest girl in the world. I couldn’t wait to tie the knot in front of all our friends, family, and hundreds of other people I invited for the gifts. After hours of picking out table settings, flowers, and bridesmaids thin enough to be in my […]
I Made My Husband Out Of Paper Mache And My Love Life’s Never Been Better!
A good man has a tough exterior and a heart of gold. A great man has a body sculpted out of chicken wire and covered in old paste-soaked newspapers. That’s right, folks, I’m talkin’ paper mache. I met my first husband, Clarke while studying abroad in Paris. Clarke was striking, tall, dark, and handsome. He […]
Unconscious Uncoupling: Your Guide To A Pain-Free, One-Sided, Secret Divorce
Much has been made of Bunny Ears hero Gwyneth Paltrow’s decision to “consciously uncouple” from ex-husband Chris Martin, a process that entails mindfully and sensitively detaching from your spouse. That might be fine for Gwynny (we get to call her Gwynny, you should absolutely not call her Gwynny), but what if you’re just, like, really […]
This Poached Egg Hack Will Totally Ruin Your Marriage!
Poaching eggs is difficult, and so is marriage. They’re both hard to keep together. Any time you poach an egg, it could end up a runny, drippy mess, just like my husband Sean’s penis. Hi, Sean! Your shower technique is bad and your genitals are disgusting. Anyway, here’s a poached egg hack that will totally […]
Episode 3 – Chipwrecked (Annotated)
Hi, I’m Craig The Intern and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far! Episode 3 – Chipwrecked Guest: Stewart P. Miller from Columbus, Ohio The Lowdown: Why is South Park better than The Simpsons now? Macaulay Culkin, Matt Cohen, and Stew Miller, Mack’s longtime friend, talk about this divisive, yet […]
Keeping The Spark Of Psychological Warfare Alive In Your Long-Term Celebrity Relationship
Relationships are hard work, whether you’re a Hollywood power couple forever trapped beneath the microscope of public adoration and scrutiny, or some fucking nobody. However, we feel that the burden of maintaining a long-term romantic relationship is borne exponentially more heavily by the very famous (and we are certain you agree). When you and another […]
Episode 9 – Mission To Moscow (Annotated)
Guest: Stewart P. Miller from Columbus, Ohio The Lowdown: Hi, I’m Craig, The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far! This week Stew, Mack’s friend and roommate, is on the show. This one is from LA’s very own Bunny Ears Ranch (Matt Cohen’s place). They play a round […]
Is Non-Consensual Non-Monogamy Right for You?
You’re not cheating. You’re simply engaging in sexual acts with people outside your marriage without telling your partner about it. And that’s different. There’s a different label on it. And a book. And a website. So it’s fine.
Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating With a Circus Clown
No, you’re not crazy – if you’ve got a bad feeling it’s happening, then your spouse probably is cheating on you with a circus clown.
This New Form of OxyContin is Truly Better Than Sex
As busy mom and business owner, I often need a pick me up throughout the day. Most of the time, this comes in the form of the pearl-infused matcha latte at the corner shop, but some days, the creamy green goodness just isn’t working. Thankfully, around three months ago, I found a vice that really […]
Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us. But also, you should have known not to take that advice, so that’s on you, too.
Signs Your Time-Traveling Husband Has A Second Family In 1886
It’s never a positive sign if your husband is suddenly snapped back to 2019 without any clothes on and a slightly sweaty sheen to him.
How To Discipline Your Stepson When You Were Both Class Of 2014
Being a stepmom is tough, but it can also be rewarding, like when your stepson begrudgingly says you can ride with him to your five-year high school reunion.
Charitable Pooping Is A Thing And Allow Me To Explain
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
The Best Life Insurance For Your Soon-To-Be-Dead Husband
Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?
Sex Tips Your Husband Wanted Us To Pass Along … If That’s Cool
Full disclosure, your husband emailed to us because your sex life sounds like a mess.
Forgiveness: My Husband Won’t Let me Throw A Birthday Party For My Dog
I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.
The Best Places to Find Inner Peace And Hopefully An Affair
How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.
7 Tips That Will Save Your Marriage From Frankenstein Monsters
7 steps to protect your marriage from the grips of Frankenstein Monsters.