Color Of The Month: White Privilege
Trends come and go, but the advantages of being white never go out of style. That’s why this month’s Color of the Month is white privilege. As the snow lingers on the ground (that is, if you live on the east coast or, God forbid, some unfashionable fly-by state), you feel the irresistible urge to blend in with it—just as you would in any major media franchise. Here are some of the hottest ways to make use of this month’s color.
Supreme X North Face Steep Tech Hoodie
The North Face Steep Tech Hoodie by Supreme will keep you warm in that chilly winter air while taking full advantage of your “north face”! Even though minorities have literally been killed just for wearing this brand, take comfort in the fact that no one will harm you in this hoodie, no matter how “thuggish” it makes you look (or, let’s be honest, absolutely doesn’t). At $3,300, this is a perfect way to flaunt the wealth your family has gained on the backs of marginalized people.
Long-Sleeve Starburst-Sequin Crepe Couture Mini Dress
It may be cold outside, but you’ll be hot, hot, hot in this Valentino party dress (courtesy of factory workers in demographically undesirable countries who make pennies per hour in deplorable conditions so you can buy a $6,000 dress). Just don’t wear it to that ostentatious winter wedding you’re attending. Yes, even if it’s on a plantation. That’s literally the only time when white is bad.
Floral-Embroidered Sheer Turtleneck Top
A woman of color wearing this sheer turtleneck would definitely be stopped by police and almost certainly cited for public indecency, if not outright arrested on suspicion of prostitution—but not you, fair reader. People will presume you’re on your way to the important and edgy social event that you are, so let those titties flop free!
Marled Crewneck T-Shirt
This is a white t-shirt. There’s no earthly reason it should cost $300 beyond the Italian name on the label. You can get an otherwise identical t-shirt at Walmart in a 12-pack for, like, $5. Fortunately, centuries of racial exploitation mean that you never have to set foot inside a Walmart. Even if you did, you can guarantee there’s no way an employee would surreptitiously follow you around the store in this t-shirt, even if you wore it with the sloppy sweatpants like the above model (and you don’t even wanna know how much those cost). Pair with the white North Face hoodie and a variety of shifty facial expressions to really test this theory. We think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results.