I Misunderstood The Glass Skin Trend And Does Anyone Have A Tourniquet?
I was so excited to try out this trend. I was skeptical at first. How could this possibly work? But several of my Insta friends have had amazing success. So, there had to be something to it, right? Still, the thought of mashing up glass and rubbing it all over my skin … What possible benefit could there be in doing so? My best guess was that the tiny shards of glass act as a natural exfoliant, getting down to the smooth, untouched layers of skin beneath the outer layers. However it works, it’s hard to argue with gorgeous, selfie-worthy results. So I worked up the courage and gave it my best shot.
Just Smash Up A Few Gravy Boats
First, I had to find something glass to destroy. I settled on my collection of vitrified glass commemorative New Kids On The Block plates. Just the Jonathan one at first. I picked that sucker up and chucked it right at the wall. I have to tell you, it was the most satisfying moment of my entire life. I immediately needed to try it again … and there went Donnie. Maybe I should have mentioned this earlier, but you’ll definitely want to be wearing shoes for this. I found myself running out of things to throw and resorted to hucking the toilet tank lid. I’m still randomly finding pieces of it around the house. I know, I know, not technically glass. But it was big and supposedly sturdy and you wouldn’t believe the rush I felt watching it explode in a million yellow pieces. I now have a new understanding of why this trend is so popular.
Stick Your Face Up In There
After you’ve smashed up all your collectibles, grab a big handful of glass shards and just kind of smush it all up in your face. I have to be honest with you here, it hurts. A lot. But the glass adds a sort of shimmer to the skin that almost resembles glitter. So pretty. I was right to suspect the exfoliating nature of the glass. My dead skin peeled away in long, thin red strips, like the peeling of a ripe apple. Also, the healthy skin peeled away. Guess I got a little carried away. If you’re like me, you may start to feel a little woozy. Keep some juice and cookies on hand … and something to clean up the blood. I used some old washcloths and the ugly sweater Evan gave me for my birthday last year. No, I will not be paying to dry clean that, sorry Evan.
Remove The Glass From Your Face
I suppose you could just leave it in, but would you want to? Feel free to experiment with extraction methods. But speaking from experience I can tell you tweezers are basically useless here. They just kept slipping off the blood. I tried to have my friend Haley just pull some of the larger pieces out but she wouldn’t stop gagging and then started crying about how I know she’s terrified of blood and why would I do this to her and then she passed out. Lame, Haley. Lame. I found absorbing the shards in white bread really did the trick.
Make This A Part Of Your Daily Beauty Routine
I’ve tried the glass skin beauty routine a few times now and I can say with certainty it never gets any easier. The adrenaline rush from the glass breaking tends to fade with time, too. I’ve been buying more and more rare and expensive items to destroy just to get that feeling back. I’ve modified my makeup budget to make up for it. My face is permanently red now so all the money I would be spending on blush has been going toward building my collection $500 Boys II Men cereal bowls. Nathan will be the first to go.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…