bunnyears

…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
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…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…

What Is This? Is This Blood? Whose Blood Is This?

is this blood

Guys. Stop everything. There’s blood on the floor. I’m pretty sure this is blood. The Bunny Ears LA office has blood in it right now. Everybody stop meditating and ear candling! Look at this! Somebody claim your blood! Stop typing what I’m saying, Shawn, stop typing and explain this blood.

Maybe this is prop blood. WHOSE PROP BLOOD IS THIS? I gotta see if this is just prop blood. It’s about as thick as regular blood… What does real blood smell like? Hey guys, does anybody know what blood smells like? How do you all know what blood smells like? Where the hell am I working?

I’m just gonna lean in to sniff aaand… oh god, I tasted it. It’s definitely not prop blood. Wait, does that mean this is… wound blood? Who is injured? I can’t believe I tasted blood from a mystery wound. Does anybody believe in medicine or science in this office? No? Fuck. I’m totally getting diseases from this blood.

https://www.maxpixel.net/Blood-Bacteria-Microbiology-Biology-Cell-3188223 blood
What is this blood?

Was there a murder here? Are you all covering up a murder? I need an explanation for this blood! Leave your standing desks! Leave your treadmill desks! Get off your human hamster wheels and tell me where this blood came from! Shawn, stop typing (yes, I know transcription is part of your job, but as your direct supervisor I am asking). Stop typing this is a medical emergency exclamation point oh well at least there will be a record of this I guess question mark.

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Does anybody know what this office used to be? What the hell is a ‘holistic dungeon’? Shawn, stop typing this and give me 500 words about the cleansing power of holistic dungeons. Oh god, the blood is in a trail. I’m gonna follow the blood trail. When I agreed to be an assistant editor at a lifestyle blog I didn’t think the job would involve blood trails. Oh Jesus, the blood is going into the forbidden room. Does anybody have any torches left? Fine, sage, whatever, I’ll take it. Shawn, follow me into the forbidden room.

It’s really musty in here, Shawn. Clear out all that Party Monster memorabilia so I can follow this blood trail. Mind the glitter! MIND THE GLITTER! Great, now I’ve ingested blood AND glitter….is that a cave? Why do we have a cave in our office? Shawn, follow me into the cave.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/kmdoncaster/25471803003
Glitter blood? Is that anything? Shawn, give me 500 words on glitter blood.

Shawn, do you see those demons marching in a circle? At the end of the cave. See? No? Well that’s definitely where the blood is coming from. Wait, are those bloody-soaked demons… MOM??? DAD??? I thought you were dead. No, I don’t want to join you! I’m not ready! I’m not ready!!! SHAWN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TYPING!

Images: Pixabay, Flickr/Giang Dong Du

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