Need A Vacation From Your Vacation? Try Your Job!
Vacations are stressful and exhausting: Hiking one day, scuba diving the next, then hoofing it all over a major city—and all with a family in tow. By the time you get back, you find yourself repeating that old clichéd refrain: “I need a vacation from my vacation!” Lucky for you, we know of the perfect place to help you unwind from your exhausting time off: Your job!
You can kick off your workplace vacation with a rejuvenating meditative stare deep into the gray fabric lining your cubicle. Contemplate every loose fiber. Consider every hole left by a pushpin that once held a personal photograph of you and your lover in swimwear that you suspect was stolen by the horny night janitors. Appreciate the designer’s naïve belief that the nearly imperceptible strings of blue and pink woven throughout wouldn’t get swallowed by a soulless ocean of gray cushioning.
Faxin’ And Relaxin’
Send a fax! After all, you’ve never quite figured out how the fax machine works, and there’s no time like the endless, mind-numbing present. Do you pick up the phone and call your document to someone else’s office? That can’t be right. But don’t worry about that. Just let the universe guide you. Get in a little ASMR action by crinkling that high-quality A4 printer paper to your delight and the annoyance of everyone else around you. You can even squeeze in time for a brainteaser trying to figure out what “error 1203” means.
Get Culture Shook
Come face-to-face with new and exciting cultures while mediating an HR crisis when Josh accuses Andrea of discrimination on the basis of his gender, when really, she discriminates against him on the basis of being an asshole. Take this time to understand the plight of the white American male as he fights for relevance in a world that’s had it up to here with his shit. Marvel at the incredible athletic leaps they make in their lifelong quest to be given the sympathy usually reserved for a minority group that’s actually oppressed.
Indulge in a variety of exotic cuisines at the strip mall across the street that offers such tantalizing options as Italian subs and that’s it. Work on your art skills by peacefully doodling during a weekly conference call, or—and this might be a little too extreme for some—just do a little work. Anything is better than spending another minute on vacation with your family.