bunnyears

…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…

African-American Style Staples To Convince White People You Aren’t Going To Rob Them

white people

Here at Bunny Ears, we’re always busy promoting African Americans, as well as African American styles and traditions. And while we love celebrating much of African Americano, we have to admit to a more…unsettling truth: black people make a lot of white people uncomfortable, which, in turn, makes black people feel unsafe. It’s a story as old as time (specifically, the time when white people violently colonized and then exploited the entire continent of Africa, and then tried to pretend like it was all suddenly finesies in the last 40 years or so). But the good news is, Bunny Ears has officially solved the problem!

That’s right. It turns out living your best life as an oppressed minority in America is largely a matter of wearing the right style, and here’s some fashion staples that will help you feel both trendy and safe from white power.*

4. The Trendy Thug

Do you wanna get down, but not too down? Then The Trendy Thug might just be for you. It’s the perfect and completely appropriate African American way to look gangsta without security following you around that Nordstrom (j/k. You’ll still definitely get followed). How’s this accomplished, you ask? First, emulate a “hood” style of your choosing, preferably from a “hood” movie that most white people will have seen. We personally recommend Boyz n the Hood or Save The Last Dance. Once you’ve got that down, all you’ll need to do is slap a few Supreme brand stickers on yourself to instantly gain stylish hipster cred.

DON’T MISS:  Help! My Dog Ate My Tarot Deck and Now She is Vibing VERY Major Arcana

It’s not dangerous if it’s chic, which is exactly what white people will think. When they see you dressed up in gold chains and du-rags, fear will turn into a knowing wink and nod after seeing that you, too, paid $450 for a t-shirt.**

3. Actual blackface

Looking like a black person is sometimes way safer than actually being a black person. Once white people see a person in black face (in this case, you), they’ll be far too offended to be suspicious! Plus, white people almost never call out racism in public, so you won’t have to deal with anyone chastising you. Instead, they’ll retreat back to their bourgeois abodes and write a 250 word tweet to their 40 white followers about how their post-race colorblind world was rocked that day.

For this to work, really lay it on thick and don’t be afraid to go full minstrel with this bad boy. We’re talking category A racism. By the time you’re done, the results should be so striking that even you will feel like you’ve committed a hate crime.**

2. Actual whiteface

If you can’t beat em, join em! Scientific studies have shown that merely being white reduces your chances of being suspected for a crime—and that’s not even getting into the heinously disproportionate incarceration rates among races! And there are a multitude of other privileges previously unbeknownst to your African American self. Get some white face paint—the same kind clowns use—to cauc yourself up real nice and pale. Then, simply bask in your newfound racial transcendence. Now it won’t even matter how you dress, because white is always the new black.**

DON’T MISS:  Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Energies By Almost Beating a Man to Death and Nurturing Him Back to Health

1. Dressing like the help

Nostalgia is nature’s most potent weapon, and it’s yours for the taking for fooling crusty old white people and their 1950s prejudices. Dress up exactly like a butler, maid, elevator operator, or any other Jim Crow-era artifact you can get your hands on, and let centuries of racial oppression do the rest. There won’t be any racial profiling if white people are too busy thinking fondly about how great America used to be. You might even get some money out of it from a few rich white people who are feeling patronizingly “generous.”**

*Keep in in mind, figuring out what exactly white people fear and what they don’t isn’t an exact science, and it varies from caucasoid to caucasoid.

**Just make sure to keep your hands where everyone can see them at all times, especially when there’s a chance police will be around. There’s a solid chance you’re in danger, literally no matter what. This still is America.

Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pexels

You Might Also Like

Using Your Love Language To Ask To Speak To The Manager

Get that guy fired—your way.

Read More

I’d Quit My Fashion Job But I Love Dressing Rich People As Literal Dicks

For me, it started small. It was a beanie that looked like a dick.

Read More

It’s Never Too Late To Start Planning Your Parents’ Funerals

Yes, even seventeen months after they died in that tragic safari giraffe stampede accident.

Read More
No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Stalk Us

Video of the Week

We’re Back, Baby! Take THAT, Sawa!