People To Quietly Rage Against While You Pretend To Be Meditating
Hey, sometimes you just need a moment (or 20) to silently seethe with rage, aka a classic secret anger meditation. We get it! But in this world of endless d-bags, it can be super hard to choose exactly who to direct your bottomless anger meditation at.
And that’s exactly why we’ve compiled this handy list of people to quietly rage against while you pretend to be meditating. Any person(s) on this list will serve as a great vessel for your impotent fury.
So read on for our top choices and happy fantasies!
Gary, from work
We can all agree that Gary fucking sucks. He’s rude, he takes credit for your ideas, and we all know he’s the one who ate your yogurt from the communal fridge last Wednesday. Now’s the perfect time to sit with how much you hate him.
Beth (also from work)
While Beth’s technically not as bad as Gary, she’s definitely the one who ratted you out when you skipped that not-even-mandatory HR seminar. Fuck you, Beth.
What’s that? Jen’s applying to law school? She nailed the LSATs? And what now? She passed the New York State bar and already has a primo offer at a prestigious corporate law firm in the city? All while you’ve spent the last three years trying to figure out how to parlay your Philosophy degree into something that doesn’t involve working as a barista? Well, you know what, fuck you, Jen. And fuck you too, mom.
Hey, we don’t know your beef with MD, and at the end of the day, it’s none of our business. Only you and he will ever know what happened between you.
We know, we know: Jerry Maguire isn’t technically a real person. But if that smug little face doesn’t fill you with irrational, unbridled anger, we doubt anything can.
Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Whether you hated Evita, or just plain don’t like musical theater, raging against this living legend may be just the thing you need to bring you some much-needed zen. This is a judgment-free zone!
That dude who cut you off in line at Whole Foods just yesterday
What a fucking dickhole. That guy can burn in hell. But not before you imagine slowly (but surely) choking the life out of him once and for all.
Just kidding! Little Ronny Howard is a national treasure, and we wish him nothing but the best (we just like to keep you on your toes, RH).
We have a feeling this one’s gonna be pretty divisive, so if you’re 100% on board the Bourdain train, you can go ahead and skip this one. However, if you think he’s pretentious, or are sick of hearing your “foodie” friends rave about him, or just can’t put your finger on why you can’t fucking stand the guy, then now’s the perfect time to work yourself up into a pointless internal frenzy, like you did through your entire last relationship.
Your Upstairs Neighbors
Okay, what the fuck are they doing every weeknight until three o’clock in the morning, and then how are they also somehow up and making noise at seven in the goddamn morning every single Sunday? Use these 20 minutes of peace and quiet to submit to the demon within.
John Wayne Gacy
What a fucking piece of shit, right?! Let go and allow yourself the freedom of getting mad about something you can neither change nor control. Like the rest of your life.
Wow. There’s a lot to unpack here, and honestly, we don’t have that kind of time. Just let yourself ride the wave, and give yourself a solid extra 30 minutes of meditation if needed.
Each and Every One of the Kardashians
If you’re reading this, they likely have more money than you do.
Sometimes we project anger onto others because we’re really mad at ourselves. Like, remember how you forgot your best friend’s birthday that one time, and spent the entire brunch talking about your new chinos? That was a pretty dick move. Or how about how you basically never call your mom, even though she literally gave you life? Yep, there’s plenty of room for some well-deserved self-loathing while you pretend to be listening to your own breathing.
Hope the above list was helpful! Let us know if there’s anyone we may have missed.*
The Bunny Ears Team
*Some people may tell you that taking valuable time out of your day specifically to channel negative feelings about friends, strangers, and/or loved ones isn’t a “healthy” use of your energy. Fuck those guys!